I'm going to build a corpse
of all the things you left with me
emptiness, a withered lung
self-loathing, a blackened heart
All the times you left me alone
would form the mind
I can not find
the time to regenerate
The body will be my own.
Another short yet nice write! The title kind of reminded me of a pun on the popular "build-a-bear" shop that's in my area. I saw "build-a-corpse" and I was like, i have to see this. Nice one, I liekd it a lot.
it's disgusting, i love it. there's alot to say for someone who takes a topic written on by the masses and spins it their own way. gruesome as it is, it had the potential to use so many more disgusting images and expressions of heart ache. It's a great idea so run with it a while, huh?
the last line reads, the body will be mine own. that doesn't make sense other than that, edgar allen poe wrote this. thanks for listening, the only reason I'm still typing is because you can't just type a couple words.
This is sufficiently dark for this time of year. This reminds me a bit of a combo of Frankenstein and "All of this and Nothing" by the Psychedelic Furs (a song that just lists the contests of a room and conlcludes with the line "A roomful of your trash"). I really like this. I think I'd say "my own" though.
I really like the imagery of this. It's very nice. You chose a really original way to describe feelings we've all felt. I'd say brilliant job. I do agree with the others about the last line. I think 'My" would be better for the last line. Other than that, great write!
wow! like seriously... why didnt i know you existed long before now?! your stuff is amazing... your voice is so ... it messes with my head... your awesome! right... so now onto the poem...
the idea of this completely blew me away... i came into this poem not know what to think but woah... i couldnt have preconcieved this if i tried... build-a-corpse... rent-a-heart... im like god you gotta be hurting hard out to write something like this (or reminiscing on past hurts...) but this seriously is brilliant and i am very sure many a person could identify with it... your imagery is awesome and the idea of not being able to regenerate self respect but the body of the corpse will be your own... really its the death of the mind and the self respect... damn it! your brilliant!