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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: build-a-corpsedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Abby Sinthetic
    Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 177/230/53
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Misc/
    Total Views: 1072
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 323



    Description:
       I don't know what this is either.....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbuild-a-corpsedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm going to build a corpse
    of all the things you left with me
    emptiness, a withered lung
    self-loathing, a blackened heart
    All the times you left me alone
    would form the mind
    I can not find
    the time to regenerate
    my self-respect
    The body will be my own.




    Submitted on 2004-10-29 22:20:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Another short yet nice write! The title kind of reminded me of a pun on the popular "build-a-bear" shop that's in my area. I saw "build-a-corpse" and I was like, i have to see this. Nice one, I liekd it a lot.

    *Toxic*
    | Posted on 2006-04-16 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Super happi fun sweet! I wanna build dead things w/ my scars and dried up tears too! Very kewl and truly original poem!
    Peace, love and fluffy puppies
    ~#6-
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      short in length, but i really, really liked this. not overly cliché, original. i would just add some necessary punctuation to better separate the lines but otherwise, i loved it.
    | Posted on 2004-10-29 00:00:00 | by justalyssa | [ Reply to This ]
      it's disgusting, i love it. there's alot to say for someone who takes a topic written on by the masses and spins it their own way. gruesome as it is, it had the potential to use so many more disgusting images and expressions of heart ache. It's a great idea so run with it a while, huh?
    | Posted on 2004-10-29 00:00:00 | by ariadne | [ Reply to This ]
      the last line reads, the body will be mine own.
    that doesn't make sense
    other than that, edgar allen poe wrote this.
    thanks for listening, the only reason I'm still typing is because you can't just type a couple words.
    | Posted on 2004-10-29 00:00:00 | by max | [ Reply to This ]
      This is sufficiently dark for this time of year. This reminds me a bit of a combo of Frankenstein and "All of this and Nothing" by the Psychedelic Furs (a song that just lists the contests of a room and conlcludes with the line "A roomful of your trash"). I really like this. I think I'd say "my own" though.
    | Posted on 2004-10-29 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the imagery of this. It's very nice. You chose a really original way to describe feelings we've all felt. I'd say brilliant job. I do agree with the others about the last line. I think 'My" would be better for the last line. Other than that, great write!
    | Posted on 2004-10-30 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      geez, deep too, and emotional...what's been going on? you're getting a lot of good stuff out of this...I guess that's not the best thing..the silver lining of a torn out heart...but it's really good.
    | Posted on 2004-10-31 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! like seriously... why didnt i know you existed long before now?! your stuff is amazing... your voice is so ... it messes with my head... your awesome! right... so now onto the poem...

    the idea of this completely blew me away... i came into this poem not know what to think but woah... i couldnt have preconcieved this if i tried... build-a-corpse... rent-a-heart...
    im like god you gotta be hurting hard out to write something like this (or reminiscing on past hurts...) but this seriously is brilliant and i am very sure many a person could identify with it... your imagery is awesome and the idea of not being able to regenerate self respect but the body of the corpse will be your own... really its the death of the mind and the self respect... damn it! your brilliant!
    | Posted on 2004-11-01 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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