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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: girl-kissdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blueorchids
    ASL Info:    30/F/California
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 1096/928/91
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1525
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 330



    Description:
       beurre noir in french translates to "black butter".

    recommended listening: "how can i keep from singing?" by enya.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsgirl-kissdots
    -------------------------------------------


    a treasure to me.
    grace in her melody of movements
    coy challenges proven and met.
    demure effeminate strengths
    beurre noir tresses long in length
    each flowing strand
    eclipsing auroras about me.
    easy intimacies and kisses
    not quite clean.

    precious
    to me.




    Submitted on 2004-10-30 00:50:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      there is buildup in this like in a quentin tarentino movie...but it is a much softer build up...and then the climax of the "kisses not quite clean"
    implying perhaps.."not clean" in others' eyes...but to me--"precious"

    i like the easy "intimacy" of the piece...
    especially when the fruit is so forbidden...tastes better...
    | Posted on 2011-02-19 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Your highly descriptive words made me feel almost as a voyeur and that was something that heightened the reading experience for me. Your use and manipulation of words is precise and oh so descriptive.
    | Posted on 2007-06-24 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      this is an awesome piece. "beurre noir" was a great addition to the poem. it flowed like cream. your style and structure are so soft and sophisticated. it just sits on the edge of erotic. you produced beautiful imagery of a lesbian kiss. *claps* bravo. wonderfully done, my girl.
    hugs and dildos,
    ~*dark_and_dreary*~
    | Posted on 2005-04-08 00:00:00 | by dark_and_dreary | [ Reply to This ]
      Grace, I am having the most fantabulous time reading your work. This is one of my favorites from you. I love short pieces, it is a challenge to say something of substance with such a small amount of words. This is incredibly sensual and tender and regal...sophisticated, yet innocent and soft, all at the same time. I have often wondered how it would be to kiss a girl, although I love men, there is something soft and inviting about a woman, a whole different all feminine dimension to a kiss I am sure. I love the way you describe the tresses of dark hair as black butter, what an image. The more I read your work, the more flattered I am that you read mine. xo Magnolia
    | Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      oh wow.. this is very sensual.. and in such a classy and delicate way.
    there's such a sense of fragility to the emotions and to that sensuality.. like if you're not careful it could crumble away.

    loved this part the most:
    "easy intimacies and kisses
    not quite clean.

    precious.
    to me."

    it's the one part where you reveal just a little bit more than the rest of the poem.. and it leaves the reader feeling like they've been let in on a secret.

    (i wish i had that song by enya.. so i used 'boadicea' as a substitute..)
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      This is almost too sweet and tender to be sexy. Sensual, sure, but mostly delicate and pretty. You've done a wonderful job of choosing perfect words in almost every instance. They flow so gracefully, which is exactly what they need to do to capture this lovely mood...I'll keep reading til I find something to [censored] about...
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice. I love the word choice and the way everything rolls off the tongue. great job w/ this. I can see this so clearly, but I have to ask, is this girl/girl? because that casts everything in a whole new light ;) Either way, this piece is beautiful-you've done a great job.
    J
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      I refuse to listin to enya while doin anything Blue - sorry bout that! Just the same this is pretty well done and deserves some sort of theme music. I can't think what. Ah well, there is something intrinsically...artistic? about the so-called 'girl kiss,' but this is none of what I would have thought into it - finally proving once and for all that *surprise* ur a girl and I'm a guy! Fascinating. I liked this line about coy challenges or something. Had the feel of two best friends daring each other to go a little further. That 'buerre' word sounds really weird when I say it, so I won't. However the picture worked out just right - I guess this whole thing did. Sorta sexy but not suffused. 'Not quite clean eh?' Well nothing good is anyhow.
    shard
    | Posted on 2004-11-21 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree... with this poem- kissing a girl makes you feel very tender and delicate. I love the way you went about this- it is very elegant and sultry-romantic. The imagery and descriptors you used are so illustrious, I had a wonderful picture painted in my head- and the shortness of it is just a tribute to your talent. To evoke this much feeling from this many people with so few words is an acheivement.
    | Posted on 2004-11-20 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it is interesting that the poem itself is extremely eloquent. each word is a precise dart placed to target, and yet, the title is "girl-kiss", something so seemingly blatant.
    | Posted on 2004-11-05 00:00:00 | by solararia | [ Reply to This ]
      This is lovely, Grace , at once sweet and sensual, sleek and silky. It reads like fine lingerie feels, and has the same sensuous result on the reader.

    I like the way you linked the beginning and end-where you say "A treasure to me"-and go on to describe these cherished qualities and attributes-then end almost daydreamily with a soft sigh -
    "Precious
    to me"

    Some of the descriptions are beautiful
    "Grace in her melody of movements"~~
    "beurre noir tresses long in length"~~

    and some are memorable and evocative because of your subtle yet succinct word use-
    like "coy challenges proven and met.
    demure effeminate strengths"~~

    and my fave of the sugar and spice images-
    "easy intimacies and kisses
    not quite clean."

    The only lines i haven't quoted, lol are the two about the hair
    "each flowing strand
    eclipsing auroras about me."

    and thats because these two seem a little out of place-or at least the "eclipsing auroras" part. To me "to eclipse" something means to diminish it's importance or significance-make it less valued or obscure -and of course aurora is the light being obscured- after the previous descriptions, building a tender demi-erotic picture-I find that I pause here-to wonder what was meant. Even after a few re-reads I am still pausing there, but i love everything before and after that, and the words DO sound lovely, and I DID watch the eclipse the other night-so I just sigh (again) because there is so much romance, love, and sensuality here that i can gloss over those two lines.
    Another wonderful write Grace,
    "It's GOOD to be home-"
    Silver
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      Your "girl-kiss" does roll of the tounge in a rather tantilizing way. There is a lot of allituration in this and you did a fine job with it. I like the contrast at the end between kisses that are not quite clean, we dont think of things not quite clean as being precious, but then you tell us they are. Very nice.
    | Posted on 2004-11-02 00:00:00 | by leftof_red | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, if only I could hear this one read aloud (by someone other than myself). I almost do. This is a wonderful sliver sensuality. Excellent work.
    | Posted on 2004-11-01 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      I really loved the smooth and sleek way the words "beurre noir" rolled off my tongue, don't know any french but always thought of it as mesmerizing. I really liked the style that goes along with this poem and I think it's perfect in length any more would take away from the classy feel
    | Posted on 2004-10-30 00:00:00 | by Broken Angel | [ Reply to This ]
      This is almost erotic?
    "Not quite clean" :)

    "Grace in her melody of movements"
    Certainly a sensual description that could be added to or part of something else?
    It makes you curious and in doing that a clever piece...
    | Posted on 2004-10-30 00:00:00 | by Jess | [ Reply to This ]
      i thought that it was a good piece. the wording was very descriptive and was used well. i thought that it read nicely. it is really a good piece of work. keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-10-30 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the ending and the short sweet rich-ness of this poem; I think it's a nice piece… it feels like you're trying quite hard is the only thing I would say, but it still works.

    Becky
    | Posted on 2004-10-30 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so sweet. The entire poem rolled like butter, and it really just gave the feel of a sweet, sensitive kiss (which is what I think you were talking about). You did an awesome job.

    -emo.
    | Posted on 2004-10-30 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]
      ooo, i like this! the "beurre noir tresses long in length" gave me a beautiful image of a beautiful womanchild. mmmm... very nice!
    | Posted on 2004-10-30 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is very sexy without being smutty. My favorite part was "beurre noir tresses long in length" because I have long dark hair, and it stroked my inner vanity. I liked "not quite clean" too. I like the idea of her movements being coy challenges too. That's really sexy.
    | Posted on 2004-10-30 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Sensual delight! I purrrrrr as i read and re read, so delightful and simple, so elegant and full of suggestive grace. An instant favourite! What a lovely monday morning read... especially after a relaxing and company filled weekend away...
    | Posted on 2004-10-31 00:00:00 | by Transcendancing | [ Reply to This ]
      the lines move back and forth swaying, the word choices and the rhythm is really alluring. it's one of those poems that's fun to read out loud. fun for the tongue.
    | Posted on 2004-10-31 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]


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