This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Fall


Author: Day DreaMeR
ASL Info:    19/F/somewhere
Elite Ratio:    6.23 - 853 /408 /53
Words: 76
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1256
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 495



Description:


hmmmm im think this could have some better wording and lines so any ideas would be appreciated!


Fall



Falling leaves make a beautiful color scene
leaving people to rake them up into piles
and little kids to jump in them

All of the colors
representing what kind of tree they are from
letting people collect them to press into books

Leaves being stepped on
have a crunchy sound
making it sound interesting to our ears

Loud sounds of trees
when the wind goes through them
and the trees sway




Submitted on 2004-10-30 15:41:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Heh makes me think of all my younger years during fall time. When I would jump in the leaves and just go mwhahahahaha! Lol. Being young was so fun and interesting and I remember putting my leaves in a book and watching the breeze. Beautiful poem, for an majestic season.
| Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by winterdove | [ Reply to This ]
  A beautiful write of yours yet again
I like how you reflect a lot of things in your poems to youth

It shows a love and caring for those younger then you that need your help and guidance

Keep It Up!

Take Care
Ron

Keep In Touch


Bye the way i signed on to the shoutbox the other night and noticed that you were there like 2 hours before me if you ever wanna chat in there just let me know

Take Care
Ron
| Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a good poem. i love fall, it's my favorite time of the year. All of the leaves, so many diferent colors, Halloween...
As for ideas, I can't think of any at the moment, but I'll get back to you on them. Great job. Keep it up.
| Posted on 2005-10-15 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  this was a nice fall poem - especially when it's near 100 here today! I liked the descriptions and it made me want to run and play in the leaves!
Love,Peace,Joy!
| Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a nice description poem. I can see a fall scene very clearly. But I think that you might not like it so much because it doesn't have any meaning behind it. You didn't show us why you chose to write about them, or why they are beautiful or ugly or hopeful or depressing... you just wrote what you saw and not what you felt. I think that's the difference behind writing and art.
| Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed reading this, because it seemed me like it was a break from all the everyday feelings and I could sit back and take a look at what was happening outside of my head, nice imagery and I can't really improve it! Sorry!
| Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
  i thought that it was a good fall poem. the imagrey was nice and it read well. for an idea, " loud are the sounds of the trees as autumn's cool breeze flows gently through them and they sway to the falling music." overall, i thought that it was good. keep it up.
| Posted on 2004-10-30 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]
  i adore the fall and all the colors! i used to love jumping in leaves when i was a kid... still do! tighten this up a little... here's my suggestion:

Fall leaves
make a beautiful color scene,
leaving people to rake them
into piles
for little children to jump in.

All of the colors
represent what kind of tree
they come from,
urging people to collect them
to press into books.

Leaves being stepped on
have a crunchy sound,
making it interesting to our ears.

The wind passes through them,
and the trees sway.

just a suggestion, but your poem reminded me of why i love the fall so much! yeah!
| Posted on 2004-10-30 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  i lovesfalls theres alot you could do with this some nice thoughts of fall...not the usual just the description of the poem...magnihas a good ideas...just expand on you initial thoughts...making it sound more poetic...i really like the idea of people pressing them into books never heard that in a fall poem...i still love jumping inthe leaves and the wonderful smells around this time of year...i would just take each line and like i said expand on the initial thoughts...smiles purps
| Posted on 2004-10-31 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



30138