I feel like I am at the same place you are-sick of misplaced affections and men who can't offer enough. I sympathize. I like this one alot. I have no suggestions for improvement.
Good write, good advice to oneself. Losing the vulnerability, being unattached, knowing the Self is always there even as friends and lovers move in and out of our lives. I love it, there's not a thing I would change. Misplaced desire, to me says that you gave to someone who later occurred to as undeserving. It makes perfect sense, and is a great image. Thanks for sharing, nansofast
well you told me to read this so i did. its true and something im sure i should do but its that damn love thing thats stopping me. although i have decided that if he does it again that i will end it...im hopeing he doesnt but maybe its for the best...by the way thanx for your comment on "your turn". i cant really write a poem if its doesnt rhyme...it just isnt my style-although i have- i really dont like to. thanx again.
this sounds to me as if your sick of covering up your true feelings your sick of proping up that happy smile on a stick...all the time...you want to be able to feelhow you feel and people to except you for the person you are emotion and all...or it could be taken as your sick of letting the world drag you into depression...your going to put your head high and deal with liife as it comes...not letting it get you down...your not going to let things stop your or get in your way anymore...your simply going to push them out of your way and keep going...for such few lines this piece speaks alot...purps
I loved the first three lines-they caught me up and i spiralled too, like an yellowed leaf -through the rest of this poignant poem.
"I have spiralled down this well of misplaced desire"~~~ anyone who doesn't understand the concept of the "misplaced desire" simply hasn't been there YET. They should copy and paste this poem into a time capsule and open it in few years . I thought that was simply elegant and beautiful.
Again, you handle loss and pain so tenderly with your image of "coloring" the many faces of - pain. Putting on a happy face? no- you say pain has many faces-that image alone creates waves of meandering thoughts-"let me count the ways"-but regardless, you say, you are done with the masquerading, of covering up those faces-the effects are too fleeting and cosmetic only, the underlying hurt is still there. I love minimalistic poems -you create a more powerful, memorable message with simple images and few but well-chosen words and a quick flow from beginning to end; more words, devices wouldn't serve to create any more of an emotional impact . You kept it short, bittersweet and yet very full of feeling. Well done, Silver
this is so haunting and well-written. spiraling down the well of mis-placed desire, what a great visual that is! i love the briefness of this, yet it is so powerful. i'm going to fav this one.
...this was written to be open-ended enough to fit almost anyone's private and hidden thoughts. And, I daresay, you have succeeded admirably. I can put on this sweater and have a perfect fit - even the colours are true to my situation. Anyone else who has an inkling of who and what they are will probably say the same. I do believe that many will be perplexed and unable to fathom what you're saying and then ascribe it to the shortness, but you have aptly described all that is needed for the human condition (at least the perspective you want to portray) in one stanza. Really good. Also saw your journal, I think it must be humiliating just being a woman in that country. God bless you for openly showing your beliefs too.
i like this... its like ive done this time and time again and i know i have and i have almost been powerless to do anything but do this time and time again but enough... its not gonna drag me down again... ive got back on my feet for good this time... you just watch me... im lovin it! i love how you can say so much in so very few words... well done and good luck!
Short and very sweet. I'm adoring the way you simplified the emotion of this poem and got so quickly to your point. Thats not an easy task. Some writers need a whole page to convey an emotion.
Yeah, I have to say that I enjoyed reading this poem too. Short and to the point, but yet conveys a lot. I would like to make one suggestion. It sound like there is one too many a word in your second to last line. I would suggest taking out the word "many" but you don't have to. It just seems to slow down the reading of the piece right at the end instead of keeping the fluidity going.
i have to say that i think this shoud be a personal quote. this is an excelent piece. i really enjoyed it and it is so true to every day people and every day life. great piece lia
short and straight to the poem. I think that i must compliment you as a reallygood poet coz poetry is about economy of words and you got the right words and brought them out in a short one portraying a lot of emotion while doing this, i think this is wonderful.
I am not sure what are you trying to say here exactly...I think it is a bit too short to have a meaning...you might wanna consider adding a couple more lines or stanzas or at least put a description...
Maybe you finished this one too quickly but it is still beautiful. Although it's very short I can feel the suffering and strenght and determination in it, all at the same time. Good work.
I love your minimalism in the same way that I like sketches over finished drawings. I know what you mean by misplaced desire (I'm sure most people do though). I love "...color/the many faces/of my pain." It's like saying "This feeling no longer has power over me."
Submission Name: No More
. I thought that was simply elegant and beautiful.
