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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: mental teacupsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: halopop
    ASL Info:    25/f/FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 167/141/21
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Longing
    Total Views: 447
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 735



    Description:
       this is exactly what went on in my head about my significant other before she became.... well... significant.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmental teacupsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    here we go ...
    you take hold of the wheel
    and spin me faster and faster
    round and round this circular confusion
    i hold on to nothing
    just being thrashed around
    banging my head
    on the sides of this giant teacup
    I’ve found myself in
    because of your hypnotic gaze...
    round and round i go
    when will this end?
    but, I don’t want it to...
    just keep spinning me around
    I asked for it I can take it ...
    but is this mental teacups ride
    all that I can have?
    fine, then, let me out
    stop spinning me around
    let me fall down as I leave
    just to go back in line waiting for
    another go...




    Submitted on 2004-03-10 20:31:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      sounds like love to me! ha ha! sometimes it is that way, spinning and spinning, dizzy, not getting anywhere but not wanting it to end. helluva ride!
    | Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      the poem is exciting, creative, and lots of fun. love the imagery here of being propelled in a teacup. also... i feel like i've been cast into the alice and wonderland tale. great write. *cheers*
    | Posted on 2004-04-13 00:00:00 | by colagirl | [ Reply to This ]
      This is cool, now I must take out the tea bag before I stir it into a carnival ride, OK. Your poetic prowess has spun this into a wonderfully written expression of love's powers.
    | Posted on 2004-04-06 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      Try to add more connections to how much you enjoyed it. The whole being beaten around and confused seems to have a manipulative connotation. To better parallel the experience add some personification and stronger interaction to the experience. All that you could see and hear was him while the whirl of colors in the background put you in your own world. Add themes of trust. Setup the connection between him and the tea cup or the tea cup and the experience(else there's a line of people wanting a ride from him).
    | Posted on 2004-03-25 00:00:00 | by Webmaster | [ Reply to This ]



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