Loud voices from my conscience,
I’m not ready,
Fills the void in my mind,
To let you go.
An unspoken thought echoes,
Not strong enough,
And tears me up inside.
To take the blow.
Pain and loneliness
fills the emptiness.
Fears, I have inside.
Tears, I try to hide.
you brought to me,
left for me
when you walked away
On that sunny day.
I sit and scream without a voice
I AM NOT READY."
I have no choice,
but to let you go.
| I like your poem for it contrasting feeling battling each other. I always like original idea or concepts first.|
My suggest would be to use I's and in this sentence you need to change the word sit to sat,because in the line before you wrote: on that suuny day, which mean your talking in the past tense.
Overall a good write
|| Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ] || This poem reminded me allot of a passed relationship I've had. I felt alot like the feeling of loss and desperation that your poem eminates. I've read a few of your poems and admire your style of writing; so simple and precise. I wish I could be so strait forward and yet so candid.||| Posted on 2005-02-05 00:00:00 | by Ghost Child | [ Reply to This ] || I like the alternating sentence/description structure in the first stanza, but then, I thought the whole thing was pretty great. The rhyme scheme was unforced feeling, the flow was good, although the addition of "left for me" stumbles my reading a bit. I enjoyed this one. :)||| Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ] || i agree w/the taking the decision, yet we all go thru that.|
i like this poem, very expressive.
ur poem reminds me of a poem i wrote
Can't you hear me crying through smiles ,and laughs ?
Don't you know the sound of my scream yet?
Brittleness crackles ,and heard with each step
Broken glass pierces my feet ,even if imagined
The blood still flows in a flood from this heart
Why do the ways I go end up alone?
Without any one who can understand ?
Why am I close to all
Yet alone within a crowd ?
The truth within not giving birth to any edible fruit
Even if asked by me don't heed my request
To inflict any more wounds
Where is the doctor that cares
And works miracles ?
Spurned by the fire of love burning within his heart
My eyes been gouged out by looking
Not to him
And my mind searches for the connection
Though futility accurately
Accesses it's efforts
|| Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by bilal anaim | [ Reply to This ] |