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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Enddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Star_searcher
    ASL Info:    17/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 114/109/20
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 1168
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 721



    Description:
       This is just me venting about the worst part of a relationship ... when you know it is coming to an end and you don't want it to. Hmmm, painful. Anyway, any comments appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Enddots
    -------------------------------------------


    How can I appreciate you,
    You keep pushing me away.
    I can see it in your eyes,
    You don't love me, you don't want me.
    I tell you I love you to hear the silence ...
    black .... it lingers.
    I'm waiting for you to say it back,
    With the passion you used before.
    After all you did say it first!

    But you don't

    The silence says it all.

    I don't know what to do,
    I feel so lost.
    I know this is going to end,
    But it can't ...
    I'll break ... collapse into myself
    Don't do this to me,
    Don't fall out of love with me.

    I need you ....




    Submitted on 2004-11-03 06:11:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      Falling in and out of love again.

    What a horrible thing, love that is. I can kinda understand how you feel except I'm on the other side of this. I'm the one who cant be here anymore, but I'm afriad to let him down. Ah stupid stupid love.

    Anyway this was an excellent piece to read, and I'm sorry you're on the other end of this:O(

    --Kayla
    | Posted on 2004-12-20 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      Having been in this situation with someone I thought I loved I have to say that this is an insightful piece. It actually brought back some memories that I would have rather left buried. I don't begrudge you your work I actually think this is an excellent piece. Thank you for putting in words the one subject that I've never had the strength to tackle. I've alluded to it but never actually written about it. Good write.
    -Light
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by Lightbringer | [ Reply to This ]
      Great poem

    like this bit
    Line alone with a stop

    "The silence says it all."

    everything pauses anticipation.

    Then the end
    "I need you ..."
    again one line on its own. says so much and
    deliver the message load and clear

    Great poem
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by bornx2000 | [ Reply to This ]
      The end of a relationship most often brings desperation before you finally let go. A great job in showing that feeling. Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by arkay | [ Reply to This ]
      Quite a good poem. The ellipses in the first stanza communicate the silence better than the word itself. I like that touch. Also love the "You started it!" thing in the last line of the first stanza. On the whole, you communicated the emotion well, particularly the desparation in the last few lines -
    'But it can't ...
    I'll break ... I'll fall
    Don't do this to me,
    Don't fall out of love with me.

    I need you ...'

    These lines really hit home with me. Thanx for your words.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by Jimma | [ Reply to This ]
      don't get me wrong... i like your work. not exactly as i expected from the title but it had its own beauty within it. you did well.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      desperation is such a manipulative outlet sometimes. a sudden mental numbness occurs when such things happen. it's sad when you want something so bad to the point that you lose all laws of convention to let yourself be heard.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]


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