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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sinsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: curiosityskitty
    ASL Info:    30/F/TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.2 - 145/149/30
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 420
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 618



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSinsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    As do the towering trees that bend
    More with each passing storm
    So does she begin to weaken
    From the evil he's performed

    The trees the only witness
    To the story never told
    The wind the only voice
    For the secret that she holds

    The woeful song that fills her ears
    Gives credence to the thought
    That pain gives way to freedom
    From the man that she has fought

    Sworn to protect and love her
    From his vow he did depart
    Now with her hands above her
    Puts her anguish through his heart




    Submitted on 2004-11-03 07:22:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      well written

    love this bit:
    "The wind the only voice
    For the secret that she holds"

    and
    "towering trees" - great description

    great poem
    capured the reader from the start

    interesting rhyme - 1st a b c b
    ("storm" "perform" + ed)
    same with the second, third
    then the last stanza a b a b
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by bornx2000 | [ Reply to This ]
      great work nice imagery a liitle more would help with dark poetry but you as the author will discover that on your own well done great topic like your picture to
    sandman
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't feel that this is incomplete at all. It is perfectly clear without another word. Did you mean to use DEPART instead of IMPART? or is this just a mis reading on my part.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by greensnake | [ Reply to This ]
      tastefully and tactfully done, but a [censored] is still a [censored], "any male who abuses a woman/child does not deserve the title of man, for he is still a boy who has yet to deal with his adolescent inadequasies". I loved this, but it reminds me of the calm before the storm, most women take only so much before they do something, which usually ends in death, very good piece and the reference to nature is awesome, have a great day...Bob:)
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by poetryman | [ Reply to This ]
      What a powerful three letter title. I like where you are going, but it seems incomplete. Not just an abrupt ending, but it seems lacking in the story throughout. I thought your rhythm and meter were pretty good, however the last stanza seems off. Here is how it would sound more balanced, although what is left out changes the soul of the strophe:

    Sworn to protect and love her
    From his vow he did impart
    Now with her hands above her
    She puts anguish through his heart

    Doesn't that sound more balanced?
    Anyway, it's good work, I hope you will persue and polish it,
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      This is my style of writting, smooth flowing, good lines of thought giving great visuals, and such a good poetic reading. It reads as it was written by the hand of a great poet/poetess from the past- But its author bears out the freshness as its lofty breezes speak.
    WOW, a great job, really!
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      It's a smooth piece you've got there written in an old fashioned (somehow...exquisite?) way. It's ironic how that kind of style can be 'fresh' sometimes, since not so many people use it.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by the apocrypha | [ Reply to This ]
      She's free.
    Now with her hands poised above her
    She puts her anguish through his heart

    her anguish is the wepon of your imaginations choice.
    It's said with out being said.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by curiosityskitty | [ Reply to This ]



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