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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rock Godessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nameless_nobody
    ASL Info:    18 in a few days.
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 333/421/67
    Words: 153
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 1511
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 978



    Description:
       i know it aint briliant but its my first atempt at writing in a while. think lyrics, think punk rock, think loud guitar, you might be on the right tracks to hearing this song how its suposed to sound. help with the title and general writing advice is apreciated. thanks. oh and what catagory does it fit best?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRock Godessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    maybe if you hair gets darker,
    maybe if you dye it blue,
    maybe if you get some dreadlocks,
    i might be interested in you.

    perhaps if you start to drink,
    smoke a little weed,
    maybe if you go bad,
    you might have a chance with me.

    'cos im the king of goth,
    metal, punk and mosh,
    im satan incarnate,
    i am the true rock god.

    maybe if you get tattoos,
    maybe if you peirce your nose,
    maybe if you wear black tops,
    and ripped up pantyhose.

    maybe if you listen to korn,
    slipknot, slayer and thrice,
    maybe if you get a hoodie,
    i will look your way twice.

    'cos im the king of goth,
    metal, punk and mosh,
    im satan incarnate,
    i am the true rock god.

    become a god damn bitch,
    learn how to dress,
    become a true goth,
    and you can be my rock godess.




    Submitted on 2004-11-03 09:33:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      im in an emo band and play lead guitar.. i really thot this was soo tottally friggin awsome dude! ROCK ON!

    'cos im the king of goth,
    metal, punk and mosh,
    im satan incarnate,
    i am the true rock god.

    that is a tottally awesome chorus
    you rymed good, and it had a awsome flow.. rock the [censored] up baby!


    -pyromania: the irrisistible impuls to start a fire

    by the way duchkey is my homegurl
    | Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by dejectedtear | [ Reply to This ]
      you do realize that "cos" is not a word... not even in slang... change it to "cause" you could even put it like this: 'cause... in your first line change "you" to "your"... tattoos has three "t's" in it so you should fix that... other than that i really like this piece... and i know that you just type it out all quick like and don't use spell check or anything cause you always have errors like this.. i'm just nit-picking... anyways... i'm glad that i'm not the only one who sees how people try to change thier boyfriends/girlfriends style to suit their own.. i had a friend who's boyfriend started buying her all these punk clothes that she wouldn't normally wear and then try and get her to wear them when they were out so he could show her off like a doll... it's sick... gotta fit the mold... it's all about status... i hate status... and this could be taken on so many other levels... certain people are only supposed to be with certain types of people... glad you came out with this.. it would make a rockin song...
    | Posted on 2004-11-07 00:00:00 | by besodemuerte | [ Reply to This ]
      well go you... you sure got some hell attitude going on here... awesome...
    my only problem is 'maybe'
    maybe if you do this and this and this and this and this MAYBE you could be my girl... damn! sounds like a lotta work for a maybe
    anyways... im thinking metal girls are hard to find these days... i love the music but i cannot sell myself to the idea of living in black... i just cant! haha! so i dont think im an official metal girl no more but for the most part thats the only kinda music my world knows...
    anyways... very well done write... completely loving your attitude!
    | Posted on 2004-11-06 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      well to be honest with you i dont think that this is your best piece but think with a little reworking it could end up being really good. keep working on it lia
    | Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that this was far too direct to be lyrics to be honest, but it was your first go in a while so I won't be as harsh as I could be. The 'rock princess' as you put it, these are dying out, there's like none in our year at school, they're all into R & B sh*t and there's no one left for a little metal, or even punk...agh! Anyway, I liked what you were saying, even if I'm not a fan of drink and weed, and I liked how this turned out. Also, I have no suggestion for a new title, sorry.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      im a thinking are you for real!??????? i like the rhythm and rhyme, and the way you arranger you verses but other than that i hate the subject, what yo talking about

    perhaps if you start to drink,
    smoke a little weed,
    maybe if you go bad,
    you might have a chance with me.

    bro this is sick man, but i am sure tthat there are girls who wd do that become dark- i aint a girl and becoming a rock god even if i like rock is pointless
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]
      you use the word maybe way to much... its messing with the flow of the whole piece. i like how a lot of it is worded, the characteristics of a true goth.
    i think you need to re-word 'perhaps if you start to drink,
    smoke a little weed,
    maybe if you go bad,
    you might have a chance with me.' a little bit... i dunno, this stanza got on my nerves a bit basically on the first line, it didn't seem to fit. just reword the first line.

    'cos im the king of goth,
    metal, punk and mosh,
    im satan incarnate,
    i am the true rock god.' i love that stanza, i can picture some bad ass looking guy staring out into the croud and sayin "i am the true rock god".. all 'n all, this is a nice set of lyrics. maybe if you'd like, i could send these lyrics to my buddy jake and see if he can put music to it and send you the recording of different versions.. yes i have connections.

    have a nice day, and start commenting more...
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by nameless child | [ Reply to This ]
      Just a suggestion... why don't you change the last line to read '...rock goddess' and make the title Rock Union... since you name yourself the Rock God in the poem It's brilliantly written using vivid images... I can hear the crowd going mad in the background. Take a bow.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      No doubt you could work this into a hot number. I'm sure with the right arrangement it would be a seller. As far as titles 'King of Goth' or 'Rock God' might stir their juices.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      this is quite good, I don't know that much about this type of music, but you painted a clear picture, maybe if she could sing a little too, lmao, very nicely done...Bob:)
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by poetryman | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm guessing this is sarcasm, if it is, then darn good job! yeah i know these people, who tell girls they would go out with them if they were a little more "cool", and hell i'm been told by a girl she would like me more, if i became a punk! this is simple, straightforward. i kind of agree with james that it is too straight to be lyrics, but on the other hand sometimes this type of lyrics really amuse me. somehow it reminded me bowling for soup's girl all the bad guy's want.

    and if this one is about you, first of all somehow i dont feel it is, but if it is then i dont agree with this viewpoint, but hey it was funny anyways!

    Zu
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]


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