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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Anger Transferreddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 22
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 929
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 134



    Description:
       This happens to me a lot. I'm always bitting my lip or my tongue.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnger Transferreddots
    -------------------------------------------


    In anger you bite your lip,
    but as you taste
    the salt of your blood
    the anger is transferred
    to yourself.




    Submitted on 2004-11-03 14:42:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      um... a little short. maybe you can add details to it. there really isn't that much to critique on this, because it is so short. I would like to see it longer. I hope you do work on it.
    mikki
    | Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
      *applauds* so succinct and eloquent... I have absolutely no problems or corrections to suggest for this piece. So well expressed in so few words... Brava...
    | Posted on 2004-11-05 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]
      So simple, so true, something we all do (I do a lot). I feel that so much is just, my fault. A lot of times it is, but other times I've just got to remind myself that someone else has done wrong.

    -emo.
    | Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]
      Soooo true. The only thing I could point at here is the two lines starting with "the" which is really picking nitts, but I think you should consider changing it to:

    The salt of your blood
    That anger is transferred

    Hope all is well.
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting to say that emotion resides in the blood and that we are unaffected by the situation which causes the emotion until we taste it, making it real and have a form. i've always felt that emotions, particularly the not so nice ones, grew up and out into my brain from my bones, coming from deep reaches, too far for me to call it up unnecessarily or idylly. or at least, it's usually too far for me. very thought provoking piece.

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      The anger, the lip, the blood, all characters here, last and least is us, whom we choose to sacrifice instead of love.
    Very fine!
    | Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Short and very powerful. To me its like you're saying, you get angry, keep it in, and then regret it later. Awesome.
    HWKI
    | Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by HWKI | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting little ditty... transferring that anger to yourself, i can see how that would happen when you bite your lip... OW! luckily, i don't have that problem, but i've bit my tongue on accident a few times, and that really pisses me off! cute, but painful, write!
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      hm- no reason to be mad at yourself. Just turn your anger outward, indiscriminantly at the world - i mean other people tend to hate it, but screw them, you can be mad at them too. Now whats with this new picture? Are you flirting again? tsk tsk, just brings about more people to be mad at later
    shard
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]
      This reads like something one might find in the Tao de Ching or something. A bit of wisdom for how we always end up hurting ourselves when we allow ourselves to get angry enough for biting.

    It's great...I like the simple lines...feels asian in essence...no wasted words...yet lovely and powerful...I need to remember this one today...with the election and all...MAD about that thing...! I spent three hours voting for that? I swear there was foul play in Ohio...Hmmm...I want my day back.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ]
      wow what a slick little thought, most often I find that my anger is caused from within. This is a classic piece of self reflection, thanks...Bob:)
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by poetryman | [ Reply to This ]
      okay maybe it's just me but if your angry and you bite your lip, why would the anger tranfer to yourself? I thought you were already full of anger...thats why you bit your lip.

    um maybe i'm just not seeing it the right way.

    peace,
    fizzle
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      a thought that it was good, but i also thought that it ended kind of abruptly, like there was more to be said. i thought that it was creative, though. and i liked it. keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]
      Short, sweet, and to the point. I can definitely relate to the biting your tongue or lip thing. I think I should do it more often. I get kind of crabby when I'm driving, and even though I know the other drivers can't hear me, I say all sorts of things I probably shouldn't. Your syllable usage was excellent. I didn't find it hard to read or "choppy" at all. I find that many short poems come out as "choppy" and hard to read because of the lack of good syllable usage.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by Orions Fire | [ Reply to This ]
      a little too brief i think. it was just forming an image and all of a sudden everything vanished. the idea is good but i think a little more is needed.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by shahan | [ Reply to This ]


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