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    dots Submission Name: key to your heartdots

    Author: Scribbles1338
    ASL Info:    18/Female/St. Louis
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 169/167/37
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1537
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1185

       I just picture her standing on the front porch of a house out in the country somewhere. She's starting to freeze but refuses to believe that he no longer loves her. It's a very sad story, I think...

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    dotskey to your heartdots

    Somehow feeling so sure
    In the snow here I stand
    Knocking on your locked door
    With the key in my hand

    But the door is locked tightly
    To the past which remains
    Only inside my heart
    Filled with disdain

    I am holding the key
    Tight in my fist
    Never forgetting those
    Moments of bliss

    I knew you so well
    Through memories shared
    I could open your heart
    And prove that I cared

    How could you let go
    And leave me locked out
    Youíve changed all the locks
    Without hearing me shout

    And Iím left here to cry
    For I cannot come in
    Itís getting too cold
    As the evening grows dim

    Clutching onto the past
    I stand here and weep
    Looking down at your key
    That I had sworn to keep

    But I still keep on knocking
    Scared of being alone
    I am getting so cold
    Canít believe that youíre gone

    As I stand on your threshold
    The wind cuts like a dart
    Clutching the key
    That once opened your heart

    Submitted on 2004-11-04 15:19:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i thought that it was good. very heartfelt. i thought that it was a very meloncholy peice. the rhyming was good and i liked the descriptivness of it. it painted a sad yet beautiful picture. i thought that it was weel done. keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]
      This had a lot of emotion and you could definately feel that, it felt raw. I feel as if I am the girl left standing there .. feeling empty .. with nothing. So if that was what you wanted to create it worked so well. Great work, keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by Star_searcher | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way you allow your emotion to flow through this poem. The rhyme was on the edge briefly. A very romantic scene is viewed in this one. I liked it.
    | Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by Njud_Gold | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. i loved the scheme and meter. i felt as if i was standing beside, with a cool wintry wind blowing through my hair. i felt quite anxious.
    As I stand on your threshold
    The wind cuts like a dart
    Clutching the key
    That once opened your heart

    i thought this line was about as perfect as a rhyme could get. very nice post.
    | Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]
      Although you lost the rhyme scheme in the fourth and sixth stanzas this was overall a great poem. It was a pleasure to read. Much love.
    | Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]

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