Fade away by Akai

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Submission Name: Fade away dots

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Author:	Akai_Ame
Elite Ratio:	4.79 - 223/180/46
Words:	126

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	380
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	790

Description:
Not much can be said..Just read it and i'm sure you will understand my meaning. bash it if you like. i won't mind.

Fade away dots

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Fade Away.

Just leave the world behind you.
Then you may be happy one day.
The next life has to be better; it can't be screwed up too.

For anything is better then this.
Life and its cruel tricks,
Are something I won't miss.

Faith and Destiny play a deranged game.
One with it's ups and downs.
It's enough to make you insane.

This life has gotten me.
Keeps me from being happy,
Holds me in a cage, so I'm never free.

But if I end this game,
I may just be feel free,
Or i may remain the same.

There is only one way to find out.
I'm ending the game,
Without a cry, scream, or even a shout.

Submitted on 2004-11-04 18:42:49 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Is the glass half full or half empty hmm. Should it be destiny of sorrow of pain. I think not, for life is life and games are games. When it hurts is when we get caught up in others so called games. At that point we need to know when to walk away. For each bird leaves it's nest when it gets to where it is going then it makes it's home. Hopefully not on a loose branch. However sometimes we do get dumped on. When it's not our fault at all. At that point we should try to shurg off the negative and move on. Some say all good things come to an end. I say all bad things have their ending also. Thus the term Patience is a Virtue. Hold on with a positive view and then that is what you shall see. Well that is my point of view. For a deeper look come on over and read some of my poetry. Then you will know that I know.

Sincerly Gannondalf aka Big Bear
| Posted on 2006-07-08 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
  I do like the comparison of life being a game. Because in all actuality life is but a game and you are nothing more than a simple pawn used by it. I think that you should go over this piece and fix the small capitalization errors that I found. There are a few places where the I's should be capitalized but aren't. I'm sure you'll catch them. -Kenji
| Posted on 2004-11-06 00:00:00 | by Kenji Light | [ Reply to This ]
  Maybe instead of faith and God, you could use fate and destiny play a messed up game. Although when you use the term 'messed up', you are giving away your age. It's a rather juvenile term. I really don't like the first stanza's last line either. Surely you can rework it to express the emotion intended without resorting to profainity. It largely detracts from the poem. I hope you take this advice and turn this into something fantastic.
| Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by curiosityskitty | [ Reply to This ]
  Even though its your opinion I'll have to disagree...God does not play a messed up game, life's trials are tests that make you stronger...I will say that...otherwise this isn't a bad poem...enjoyable read. Much love my dear.
| Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]

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