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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: how i was thendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ariadne
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 99/85/26
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 787
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1006



    Description:
       you look back on how you were when you were a kid, and absolutely want it back. We'd never admit it then that we had to grow up, that we weren't immortal.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotshow i was thendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Back-flips in the night
    Crazy beat blowing my mind
    The beach at all hours
    I used to love those times

    Sleeping on your board
    Wake up with wax in your hair
    Ocean’s lullaby
    Wakes you up with the tide

    Getting out of class
    Watching the sun rise slowly
    Buddies at your side
    Never waiting for life

    The front row at shows
    Local bands rocked the world
    Mosh pit at fifteen
    Bloody noses never hurt

    Now alarms and tea
    A shower before I run
    Pay dues and taxes
    For a life that isn’t

    Oh, to be sixteen
    And love the sunrise again
    To have energy
    To have lived forever

    I wish I hadn’t
    Let the world tell me “grow up”
    When I made more sense
    Vital and full of hope
    Think I can get back
    To what life is all about?
    Mixing joy with my
    Responsibilities




    Submitted on 2004-11-04 20:53:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      What a wonderful sounding time you had while younger and carefree. Count those as blessings.. and yes, by all means, mix a little of that joy into TODAY.. along with the responsibilties.. along with life. Hmm, I think I'll do the same
    I liked reading this. You shared a part of yourself with the reader.. of your earlier days, and some of what your life is about today.
    I like this > "Never waiting for life" < means you were MAKING IT HAPPEN.

    Nice work. I enjoyed!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This one is just plain awesome, you are the best writer that I've read on here, keep up the good work. Have you ever heard bob dylans dream? It goes something like this "while riding on a train goin' west, I fell asleep for to take my rest, I dreamed a dream that made me sad, concerning my self and the first few freinds I had, ... with half damp eyes I staired to the room, where my freinds and I have spent many an afternoon, weeeeee longed for nothin' and we were satisfied, thinking and talking, about the world outside" I love Bob, I think you hit on some of the same chords.
    | Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by Al | [ Reply to This ]
      this is such an awesome and original write. Your first three stanzas are soo awesome, and really bring out youth, and open mindedness that comes along with ignorance. I love how you grow up in it... but dont let yourself! You seem as though youve let it all slip away, but you havent untill you die! I wish i lived near the beach, but mountains are my beach. They provide the same companionship with my friends, and skipping school never tasted so good there. awesome write
    | Posted on 2004-11-06 00:00:00 | by Josh | [ Reply to This ]
      I promise I will try to stay young. And yes. Its hard when the world is TELLING you to grow up. Deciding what you are going to do with the rest of your life. This made me recall such amazing memories.
    Aww.
    I dont want to grow up.
    Ever.
    Nice write
    -Andrya
    | Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that you did a good job.. everyone can relate to this im sure.. well anyone over 20 lol.. it would be nice to get some of that back.. ive thought this way often lately..one suggestion i have is regarding the second stanza...perhaps you could replace the word wakes in one of those lines as it doesnt flow so well with it being used twice so close together..
    | Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the thought here. Very Peterpan in that hook sort of way. It disturbed the flow a little that the ryhme varied so much in it's use inbetween use. I wouldn't want to be sixteen again ever. Eighteen maybe. My favorite stanza was about waking up with wax in your hair. I haven't slept on the beach in so long and now it's pretty fricking cold so I won't untill spring. Thanks for your time.
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]


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