[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: prioritiesdots

    Author: brokenbatman
    Elite Ratio:    2.99 - 475/233/44
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1304
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 720

       i know it is rough,

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    failed goals don't laugh
    just sit there unreached
    only a quivering finger out of reach
    taunting you in their silence
    forcing your soul down
    never should a man lie down
    and let his dreams die
    for the woman of his dreams
    or the children of his future
    your last breath should be yours
    spent on just rewards
    for the lady in red
    or the child in your lap
    make those dreams come true
    giving that child a hero to look up to
    something that child will remember
    a story for them to tell
    a leading man for your girl to wed
    no matter how easy it would be

    Submitted on 2004-03-12 01:59:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      ok, i just typed out this real long comment on this poem and i lost it. i just wanted to say that this poem brought out some repressed feelings about dreams. this is an inspiring write. i like this a lot. it needs a bit of work in the middle though. keep it coming
    | Posted on 2004-03-28 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the subtle rhyme scheme and choppy flow worked in your favor in such a write with original wording and imagery... excellent first line... keep it up
    | Posted on 2004-03-12 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]