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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Unbroken piecesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rounin
    ASL Info:    17/f/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 122/113/21
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1093
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1217



    Description:
       This refers to a "someone" several times, meant to, in a sense, replace a name or something of the like. If you don't think it works, tell me.
    This is a common state of mind of mine, it may be redundant emotional venting.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnbroken piecesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Someone once told me
    I am unbreakable.
    Someone saw me, trusted me,
    understood me in ways I could not-
    once upon a time,
    someone believed in me.

    It's unfair
    the way I was torn;
    The way my unstable legs
    were prematurely put to the test
    The way my someone
    was shoved away
    by the enemy's hand
    that now enslaves me.

    Am I broken?
    Has my "unbreakable" soul shattered
    under the fist of power?
    This shuddering weakness-
    is this my fate?

    I lay down at night
    so the shaking will stop
    But when I get back up,
    I'm trembling once again
    tripping over the minutes and the hours,
    crumbling when I fall.

    But win or lose, I know now
    I'm not in pieces, I'm not unfixable.
    Struggle is nature's way
    of making us strong enough
    to survive.

    I'm holding onto someone
    with inhuman strength.
    Though I suffer these tremors
    And falter under their hunger for power,

    someone was right.

    I am unbreakable.




    Submitted on 2004-11-05 12:04:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I wonder how old this actually is. Seems to me it's quite timeless though, throughout many times in ones life. Very articulate and profound, I enjoyed it and sighed over it as I'm still living in the shadow of an origin not unlike what you describe here. As someone stated earlier, it's very easy to see that you are torn, and you continue to sway between power and helplessness. I think you should do a follow up to this piece actually, I think you give a lot of credit to others and not enough to yourself. But your confidence at the end is very reasurring in us all, I believe. I hope to see future pieces from you in ways I still can't fathom.
    | Posted on 2005-02-14 00:00:00 | by majinkenshinamv | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought it was wonderful. I personaly think the use of "Someone." works very well.
    It's a great way to fit through struggles. Think that they are just there to make you stronger, know you cannot break, you can only build yourself up through the hardships.
    I really loved this poem and it made me feel good. That sounds a little weird.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by Cigarette Smoke | [ Reply to This ]
      But win or lose, I know now
    I'm not in pieces, I'm not unfixable.
    Struggle is nature's way
    of making us strong enough
    to survive.
    I liked thisstanza. it mademe think of healing, overcoming obstaces, coming to the realiztion that we are not broken even though at times it may ssem so. Life puts us through hardships in order to test us, give us strength. Welearn , we heal, and move on
    | Posted on 2004-11-05 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ]
      Bravo- I wish I had such optimism; I'm too pissed off. I think that this piece would be an excellent performance piece. I love it. the lines are simple yet provoke esp the 1st stanza
    peace
    | Posted on 2004-11-05 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      i loved this and cant wait to see more from you. the descriptive was very powerful, which is good as it speaks of power. the torn anguish inherent and underlying speaks of a feeling of being caged, or at least that is how i interpret it. i liked this poem a lot, again, and welcome to elite skills- you make a fine adition.
    -Q
    | Posted on 2004-11-05 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    12. Does it feel original?



    31060

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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