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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: puzzle piecesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: freeradical
    ASL Info:    22/feline/london
    Elite Ratio:    5.26 - 311/405/63
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 996
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 783



    Description:
       whatever.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspuzzle piecesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    tonight we sat beneath
    the stars
    and i wondered
    where you fit
    into me.

    lonely little puzzle piece
    with jagged corners,
    a smaller part
    of a larger meaning.

    i chainsmoked dirty cigarettes
    and hid my chipped nail polish
    from you.

    tonight we sat
    and i waited for you to realize
    how much i meant
    and how long you'd waited.

    and you revealed
    to me
    the deeper meaning
    of deepest gazes.

    and the things kisses
    would never be able
    to say.

    tonight the stars
    watched us,
    watched you
    walk away.

    the last puzzle piece is
    always missing.




    Submitted on 2004-11-06 03:19:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Oh, man, Keira! Every poem of yours I've read is about a lost love. Is it always the same guy? Or are you just convinced you're never going to find love? Thank goodness you're young and have lots of time.

    Anyway, they're usually well written poems, even if it does seem like you must be terminally depressed! And, as usual, this one is very well done. You have a wonderful knack of taking a very common occurrence (ain't nothing unusual about someone walkin' away!) and putting a completely different spin on it.

    Good job, dearie. mae
    | Posted on 2007-04-25 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      Umm, to every puzzle there is a final peice that always is missing, when it is almsot completed,
    the idea of this is wonderful,
    "tonight the stars
    watched us,
    watched you
    walk away.
    the last puzzle piece is
    always missing."

    This stands out in my mind for some reason, a climax of some sort, like saying that the puzzle peice was there but was lost in translation,
    Love lost. In a scatter of edged peices on the floor.
    Peace
    | Posted on 2007-04-11 00:00:00 | by WonderfulComa | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this peice. and I like how you compare the other person as a peice in the puzzle of your life. it's a really good idea. once again very good...
    | Posted on 2004-11-08 00:00:00 | by Darkest Flaw | [ Reply to This ]
      oh wow. awesome blend of feelings so deep/ blunt/ harsh with fitting (almost symbolic) physical descriptions. I know I've "done" this piece... and recently, and too often, to tell you the truth.

    The first stanza was my favorite.

    I almost wish you were a worse writer- then I"d have more to give you! I can't think of anything but praise.
    - come around more often!-
    | Posted on 2004-11-07 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
      i like how everyone is watching someone else, trying to be perfect, unflawed to entice the other into a desired action. so calculated but free of obligation, this seemingly ordinary night spent outside. someone's sorry about the night, but i can't say who - there are so many hidden wants and needs here, secret agendas that we'll never know which suceeded. i guess that's the tragedy of love and looking for it in someone else - you can never know someone else completely, or mostly, or even halfway decently without putting so much of yourself on the line.

    and yes, that last puzzle piece is always missing, in more ways than one. i feel you on that, girlfriend. good to see you posting, do more. =]

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-11-07 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I really got this piece. I understand this longing for the 'puzzle piece' in my heart in a different way. You described the scene perfectly ranging from your chipped finger nail polish to
    "the deeper meaning
    of deepest gazes." I loved the first stanza. It captured me and forced me to read on, and I'm glad I did. Great job.
    -blt
    PS, Long time no see! Remember me?
    | Posted on 2004-11-06 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      on the on1e hand, the wholepiece and puzzle concept is a little cheesy, especially when used in the quest for love or acceptance, and on the other hand there are some very well written parts in this piece.
    i appreciate and empathise with its honesty. there is a slightly dirty edge to the beauty in this, much like the music of tricky. and it is effective.
    it says just enough and never too much, and you give no bull[censored] or over complication.
    but you know, a puzzle, a jigsaw,,,
    whatever.
    the last piece is always missing, and it should always be that way. who wants to know the answers to everything? the world would be the most ant climactic place if the answers were attainable.i dont do jigsaws because im not a sad old c.unt, but i can imagine that once it is finished, then that is it. a few seconds of satisfaction, and then back in the box and never to be touched again.
    thats kind of an unnerving feeling.
    | Posted on 2004-11-06 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      i know i already commented... I just gotta say how much I love this piece. I wish I could write almost exactly like this.
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]


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