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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Rose is Deaddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: infernal_rose
    ASL Info:    17/f/London
    Elite Ratio:    5.6 - 142/144/44
    Words: 174
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 453
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1214



    Description:
       this just tells a rather mournful story of solitude, the loss of beauty and the loss of life. read it and...enjoy i guess. tell me what it invokes.


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    dotsThe Rose is Deaddots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Rose is Dead

    The Rose...
    of blood-red hue,
    whose dusky fumes embrace the sultry night air,
    is contemplated
    by the maiden of long hair,
    with eyes as moist as the grass she treads on
    and with feet, white and bare.

    ...is dead...
    dead without you,
    deprived of love’s water that failing to supply,
    the sun betrayed her.
    She bows low, gives up the sky
    to kiss the diabolical angels,
    with a billowy sigh.

    ...without love’s quenching water...
    she is consumed
    by unseen flames that lick, scorch her petal skin.
    She stiffens, blackens,
    like a soul destroyed by sin,
    ‘til a husk is left of youth’s life stifled,
    to dust akin.

    Her tomb is sealed.
    Pressed between lover’s words
    of the virgin dreamer’s verse,
    never to be heard,
    or seen fall
    from the lips of the redeemer unfound.

    The Rose is dead without love’s quenching water,
    of blood-red hue, dead without you,
    she is consumed, her tomb is sealed,
    in a rose filled room, smelling of
    death’s bloom.




    Submitted on 2004-11-06 12:06:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I don't want to sound like I'm parroting everyone else who as read this, but I think it's gorgeous. Beautiful imagery. I especially like how you used the ellipses in the first three verses to connect a train of thoughts cumulating into a complete sentence. I also found it interesting because I don't often see people writing about dead roses. Still, despite that, it was refreshingly different, and I really liked it.
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by zyllion | [ Reply to This ]
      i love what you did with the last stanza. very powerful. i love the haunting beauty and mystical feel of this write. you do have a way with that, don't you?! it is very sad and mournful. i love so many of the lines that i can't pick a favorite! i think i like the last stanza best because it just sums the whole thing up. very well-written, my dear!
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      ah i think i see what you mean about losing focus. the rose that the girl was looking at was in concept, a reflection of herself. i didn't state that outright because i thought it would be too obvious but in stanza 2, she realises this (and therefor 'gives up the sky,' etc. and in stanza 3, she becomes the rose, metaphorically. i know i didnt make it obvious, but thanks, ill reword the second stanza to make it clearer.
    | Posted on 2004-11-06 00:00:00 | by infernal_rose | [ Reply to This ]
      so powerful and descriptive, a rose cannot survive with out nourishment, that nourishment being Love, if it was true love, then the thorn has died also and both shall live in a memory that was once a beautiful garden, very nicely done and your talent is awesome...Bob:)
    | Posted on 2004-11-06 00:00:00 | by poetryman | [ Reply to This ]
      Sad. I don't know what you want to invoke here and I don't think you do either. The first stanza was great "by the maiden of long hair,
    with eyes as moist as the grass she treads on" I love this line, but then you sort of lose focus. Focus it back in.

    -emo.
    | Posted on 2004-11-06 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]



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