Description: Ok, when I wrote this, I was feeling... introspective, relatively unhappy, but I'm somewhat happy with this piece in general. However, I think maybe it could be better. I should also mention that it was the result of an assignment for my high school poetry class, the guidelines being that every line should begin with the same preposition. Could anyone tell me what they liked/didn't like about the poem? Any praise or criticism would be appreciated.
Inside me exists a stranger.
Inside my shell is soft and weak.
Inside the shallow is dark and deep.
Inside the carefree a worrier.
Inside the confident a critique, who
Inside of me exists solely to make my
Inside feel incomplete.
Inside the questionless an instigater who won't leave my
Inside alone, won't stop questioning why
Inside I feel so alone.
Inside the faithful is faithless who
Inside can't find her beliefs and
Inside views the faith of others in awe and
Inside wishes to see what they see.
Inside I see admiration and wonder what they think they see.
Inside my thoughts echo "useless".
Inside I'm what no one wants to be.
Inside the performer thrives on others' pain though
Inside she knows it's to drown out her own.
Inside the trapeexest, the achrophobe
Inside terrified to be flown.
Inside my recklesness I wonder what's to occur
Inside when I die.
Inside, my faithlessnes states forever unconcious
Inside I will lie.
Inside what appears simple is where the complexities stay.
Inside is empowered by disillusion.
Inside is filled with confusion.
Inside is where I hide emtion away.
Inside I think no one could understand.
Inside no one cares since
Inside, they have their own obstacles.
Inside the brave lies the scared.
Inside I desire someone to see the terrors you'd easily find
Inside me if you bothered to meet the stranger existing
Inside.
Poetry lets us look inside, and the repeated word takes away the real force from the inner meanings in the lines. Try arranging you little peeks into your privacy in stanzas and throw a few 'inside's into the mix just to tease the reader. The effect will be greater, and readers will not be turned away from repetativeness. The entire piece has such real meaning, a message well thought out and revealing. Your heart has been opened and poured out, a wonderful job of moving us to look deep inside to things often not revealed as pointedly.
Submission Name: Inner Perspective
