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    dots Submission Name: Clicking Through Picturesdots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 696
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 247


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    dotsClicking Through Picturesdots

    As I clicked through pictures of you on my computer,
    I stopped to take a sip of tea.
    The cursor was poised below your eye like a tear.
    I needed to hold you across the countless miles;
    asigh escaped at the impossibility.

    Submitted on 2004-11-08 06:11:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      sad little ditty here, Amy. i liked the image of the cursor beneath his eye, like a tear. how unique! but then again, i expect that from you! and, yeah, the last line is a perfect ending.
    | Posted on 2004-11-08 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is such a short poem, but recites a story in all its entirety. I can even wholesemly feel the great distance of you and your love, and how bitter it is to have someone, to know that you can be holding that person at the moment, but the person is too far away to make that possible. I'm very apologetic for the distance between you and the person if it is for real. But if you two stay strong, you'll make it through.

    Take care.
    | Posted on 2004-11-08 00:00:00 | by wordsofmind | [ Reply to This ]
      Sad little moment. I'm guessing this actually happened. It seems so specificly original. I love little frozen snipits like this described...it brings the significance to a seemingly insignificant moment to life. The cursor on his face...the tea...you captured the "Impossibility" well just with the implication of the scene described.
    | Posted on 2004-11-08 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ]
      The tense on the last line is fine, "sigh" is personfied and is acting. Mais Oui? I love the line anyway. And this is truly what writing is about, noticing an event as synchronicity and getting it down. I'm sorry you miss your baby, hope you can be with him soon. The word "poised" fits, it reflects gentleness. "Hold you across the miles" I like too.
    | Posted on 2004-11-08 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      nice little love poem. such a long distance relationship must be pretty hard.
    I like the ending, it fits very well. 'poised' is an interesting word choice. why did you choose this word??
    | Posted on 2004-11-08 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      That was a sweet little snippet. I think any guy would love to have his lady feel that way. It was well written and just enough to send your message.
    | Posted on 2004-11-08 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      I disagree with L...(not about the tense-thing, which I assume you have corrected) the last line not only makes sense to me but is the perfect ending to this. I suppose it is all in the interpretation of the reader, and I can relate strongly to the feelings described in this piece.
    | Posted on 2004-11-08 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      "A sigh escapes as the impossibility"

    Doesn't follow the same tense as the rest of it and therefore takes away from the meaning.
    | Posted on 2004-11-08 00:00:00 | by Lipgl0ssed | [ Reply to This ]

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