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    dots Submission Name: Burning a Hole in the nightdots

    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 881
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 674

       Re-wrote into poem form

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBurning a Hole in the nightdots

    Can you feel me surround you?
    Escalating passions,
    Long ago.
    Feelings in me,
    I didn't know.
    I will go,
    When morning comes.
    Keeping secret
    The things we've done.
    Daylight burning
    Through my eyes
    As I close them
    And realize.
    I'm transcending logical law.
    Holding this mystic angel,
    I free fall.
    Laying here
    With you,
    I touch you
    With the feather of my soul,
    Wings extending,
    I take flight.
    I will go,
    When morning comes.
    Let this candle burn holes
    Through the night.

    Submitted on 2004-03-13 00:29:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      "Laying here with you
    I touch you with the feather of my soul.
    Wings extending, I take flight."
    love these lines, it give such imagery, but at the same time it give a great explanation of the way the writer was feeling, passion. u have a nack for making everyline flow greatly to the nex one, just like a story book!.. excellent work
    | Posted on 2004-03-16 00:00:00 | by drkpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Bah, I meant because. I hate to make typos in comments because as far as I know they can't be corrected.
    | Posted on 2004-03-13 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is another nice one, even though it rhymes. My favorite lines are: "I touch you with the feather of my soul./Wings extending, I take flight./Let this candle burn holes through the night." Tell me if I offend you becasue that's not my intent, but I think you mean "confound" instead of profound (an adjective). If you want to be totally correct, it should be "lying here" as well, but if you are shooting for a colloquial tone, I suppose that it's ok.
    | Posted on 2004-03-13 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]

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