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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Dark Cornerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: darkness child
    ASL Info:    21/F/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 195/266/48
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 991
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1119



    Description:
       tell me what you think. i'ts not my best. i need some suggestions.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Dark Cornerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Go away forever
    Leave me to suffer
    My dark corner
    So comforting
    I can't breathe.......can you?
    Shadowed face, so pale
    Hidden sadness
    Have you ever beheld my pain?
    Have been been to the depths of hell?
    No. You havent.
    Don't look at me that way!
    I can see your pity! your revulsion!
    Get away from me!
    Screaming
    Crying
    Bleeding
    I can't stop bleeding
    And I don't want to
    Go away...please go
    I havent the strength to make you
    Just leave me alone
    No ones ever cared
    Though they said otherwise
    Why should I believe you?
    You arent the first to tell me lies
    I can't love
    I lost my heart
    Shattered in so many pieces
    Drifted away with the breeze
    Can't you see there is no hope?
    Don't tempt me with fake realities!
    I hate you
    Don't touch me!
    Alone in my dark corner
    Screaming
    Crying
    Bleeding
    Till death
    Please go away




    Submitted on 2004-11-08 21:57:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    2: I dunno...
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    ||| Comments |||
      uhm...i liked the whole idea of it, and what you have is really nice. semi dark ,in my opinion...Maybe you should try to describe your dark corner, instead of trying to push someone away from it?? Dont tell about your corner, show us your corner, use discriptive words...I dont think you should get rid of anything, just add to it. I mean, its good they way it is and all, but i think that it could be so much more...

    ->Dark
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by drk_angl_17 | [ Reply to This ]
      This creates a world of such pain.I can't say I enjoyed reading it but its an excellent poem with good imagery.I hope these feelings aren't inspired by your life.
    | Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by DarkenedSoul | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it, but, it's not my favorite from you, but it's defentally up there, because I do feel the same way, and I understand most of how you feel. Well, I told you I would check it out and I did, and unlike me there are no spelling errors, that I noticed even though I wasn't lookin, well, ttyl

    ^Monkey^
    **Manda**
    | Posted on 2004-11-08 00:00:00 | by Monkey | [ Reply to This ]
      I can understand the darkness of the situation
    but theirs nothing like a friend to touch your heart and give you a little comfort even if its just to talk good poem could use puncuation
    | Posted on 2004-11-08 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm... desperate and very impassioned. I know how you feel, and I know what you're saying. It just feels a little too clichéd/ angsty. Maybe try to get back that feeling and use a thesaurus (that's what I do).

    -emo.
    | Posted on 2004-11-08 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]


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