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    dots Submission Name: and I smiledots

    Author: Scribbles1338
    ASL Info:    18/Female/St. Louis
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 169/167/37
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 723
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 714

       I used to be a complete coward...but something about the way you look at me made me become so much stronger, believe in myself, and taught me to relax and live a little...it was hard at first, and I was very frightened, but it's an amazing feeling to finally be able to breathe...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsand I smiledots

    Look at me
    And I smile
    Like a slap
    Your glance
    Makes me aware
    Of my surroundings
    Your eyes pierce
    My soul
    For they never falter
    Not blinking
    I look back
    Caught in a place
    Between the surreal
    And the everlasting
    I smile
    Drawing my breath
    For a moment
    As your eyes
    Penetrate my life
    I allow you
    To read me
    Spilling my heart
    My memories
    Out into the
    Open world
    And as I stand
    Licking my wounds
    I am captivated
    By your eyes
    By your every
    Entrancing breath
    And I smile

    Submitted on 2004-11-08 22:40:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well done! A captivating look at the fusion between two people. A person's eyes can tell a lot about them, and can also effect others in a variety of ways.

    "Spilling my heart
    My memories
    Out into the
    Open world"
    A measure of complete trust. A special bond between two people. I like how you've described the drawing out of one person.s character, by the strength of the other's eyes.
    Loved your poem.

    | Posted on 2004-11-20 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      What a great piece. I like the shortness of it. The few words that are very effecitve to paint this picture of what you are smiling because of. Keep up the creative works.
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by kissingadict | [ Reply to This ]
      its very interesting what eyes that pierce can do. i know what its like to be looked at be overly piercing eyes, its so intense. you can be violated, if you don't understand them. but letting them wander in your soul can show you things like you've never know were in inside you. " i allow you to read me" "spilling my memories". these lines are very heartfelt. this was beautiful.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by butterfly wings | [ Reply to This ]
      Decent but not great.I can honestly relate to this but that was many years ago.Everyone should have the confidence to walk in the light without fearing about what others think.I enjoyed the read.
    | Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by DarkenedSoul | [ Reply to This ]
      mmmmmm the word that comes to mind is exquisite... of late i've not been interested in reading poems of a personal nature, preferring more abstract pieces, but this is something that captured my interest immediately, firstly because in a sea of 'the pain within' and 'venting' and 'depressed' i saw the description 'passion' - my favourite :)

    I also liked how you focused on such small and meaningful things the convey the depth of feeling and how much it meant to you... with your description up the top, you might find you've said too much, and that it might explain the piece a little too much for what you need... but that's personal choice, just an observation.

    I like the words you use, they are interesting, to read and say aloud, without being too over the top... you manage to place just the right kind of emphasis that makes us all smile and notice those we love, those we are grateful for, around us. Well done.
    | Posted on 2004-11-08 00:00:00 | by Transcendancing | [ Reply to This ]

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