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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Keep the Skeletondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 536
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 295



    Description:
       I've ruined too many poems by ditching the idea that inspired them. Anyway, I'm just happy to be writing.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKeep the Skeletondots
    -------------------------------------------


    In other words
    my poem would not be the same,
    but poems are like people.
    They need grooming,
    but the body remains your own.
    The skeleton of a work must remain,
    and the poet should take care not to break it
    while arranging the surrounding words.




    Submitted on 2004-11-09 02:56:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is interesting, but less strong in your typical imagery. that said, i think that part I like best about this is the "In other words" at the beginning; it helps to position this poem as a piece of a larger thought, and makes this more of a clarification of a bigger idea. I thought that was pretty cool.
    | Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is an interesting way to look at a poem. i agree with your description, too. many times i've done that and lost what could've been a great piece. i'd suggest you change one of the "remain(s)," since they are so close together. "the body remains your own" seems like it should be "its own," since you are speaking in plural above that. i'd suggest taking that line out altogether and just going "They need grooming/The skeleton of a poem must remain..." just my humble opinion. great idea!
    | Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Good advice. I tend to forget that while taking critisism from other writers. Take too many suggestions and you might groom the bones away too. I mean we all have our preferences, but the writing that I enjoy most captures the essence of the writer. I feel like your piece speaks to that idea.

    I like how this starts with "in other words"...almost feels as if you come in mid conversation...but the meaning is actually literally in Other Words...very creative and original as always.
    | Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ]
      Funny you should mention skeleton. I read something yesterday that was overloaded, just a pile of bones by now. This too, comes to mind: November is the month according to moon cycles where we able to let a part of ourselves perish. A habit, a behavior, even an new poet could be moving in to take over your skeleton. I think you're standing at a threshold, and you'll wish yourself through. I do. I love the way a theme comes from you, body and soul.
    | Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      There were times that I tweaked my writing so much that a whole new idea emerged. I know exactly what you mean. Now, I mostly leave them alone, especially the older pieces. They are like little frozen moments in time, written for that time. Going back and making changes sometimes dissolves the original intent and loses the feeling.
    | Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      You should compose a compendium of these, as you have posted several latley, under a title such as Cuddles Words on Words.

    As a poem I think this one might be strengthened at the end by a more direct repetition of the opening,

    "And the poet should take care not to break it
    While arranging the other words"

    Just struck me that way,
    always nice to read your work,
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      beautifully done! laying it down for those who fail to grasp the art. many artists attempt to create without foundation and their works all fall into a heep of hyperboles, metaphores, and personifications. Thank you for such an insightful piece!
    | Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by cainboy | [ Reply to This ]
      the idea behind it is good. but it sounds more like writing advice for aspiring poets than like a poem. you stayed away from clorful images and metaphors. I think you can do much more with this idea.
    | Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Thys is, lyke, the absolute perfect message to all writers! I will always keep thys in mind. My skeleton is the emotional core and my words must be picked carefully to surround an protect me ~#6-
    | Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      This to me is just a list of facts that have everything to do with the way in which to write poetry but do not themselves create it. I belive this is more a prose than a poetry but the idea could be made into something great.
    -AC
    | Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by StarAcabar | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, in general the view you express in this poem is very true. Occasionally though, my poems are jellyfish - sadly lacking in the skeletal department, but beautiful and floating. Other poetry seems to have an inpenetrable exo-skeletan, with all the nice soft parts that give character completely hidden. I dunno exactly what any of that means with regard to this piece, i just thought i'd extend on the metaphor. Anyway, definitely gives something to think about. Thanx for your words.
    -Jimma-
    | Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by Jimma | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, dunno about this one. The idea's good, but I'm really not that crazy about writing poetry about poetry, unless it's really well done. I've seen you do some brilliant ones, but think this one sounds more like a bitesize poetry lesson than the piece itself.

    It's true, though. You need to have a good thought-skeleton on which to build the flesh of words upon. I was trying to keep that in mind the other night when I rewrote Karma Soap, and reckoned I just about managed to. These words here sound a little like the silent mantra I breathed as I tried to stick to the idea and yes, groom it.

    So, don't really know what to say. It's atypical Amy in style, but not one of your better pieces. Everything helps though... except this comment, probably.
    | Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]


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