[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Cascading Bauhiniadots

    Author: Kristina9178
    ASL Info:    32/F/Ft. Lauderdale,FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.56 - 773/719/73
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 3056
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 548

       This one's for Jdinnings...He challenged me...hey, I gave it a shot...thanks for the muse,J.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCascading Bauhiniadots

    Finger away
    Plank by plank
    You gratify
    Wooden ledges,
    White picket

    Fleshy fingers
    Fondling flowers
    Spread beneath
    Decorative skirts,
    Encompassing girth

    Thin legs
    Wrapping their veins
    Into, over, around
    Masculine bodies
    In lust of your beauty,

    You creep
    Away from me.
    I reach
    For your petals

    Submitted on 2004-11-10 00:28:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i like this, it sort of tells the story of the woman getting away from herself, or life pulling her further from herself. it's quite erotic and sad because of what happens to that intimacy, some nicely placed words too, which adds to the meaning.

    nice economy, for a result i'd say.
    | Posted on 2009-12-26 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Good write. I like the language involved.
    I am more in the style of story telling. But you have a nice skill of language. Nice write.
    | Posted on 2005-05-07 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, there's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said...I love the imagery in this, absolutely beautiful.I usually pick a favorite line, or stanza, but it all ties together..so, I really liked it.This was the first poem I've read by you, and I'm going to read more soon.See ya' on the flip side!Write On!
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! Just roll up all of the above comments into one critique and put my name at the bottom. I don't know what I could possibly say that hasn't been said. This is the first of your work I have read and I am going to read your others now.

    | Posted on 2005-01-16 00:00:00 | by Rob | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont think this ones about flowers...hehe...but as all have said before me, it's a wonderful poem, permeated with eloquence and uniqueness. Good work.
    | Posted on 2004-12-27 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      totally kick ass. dude and i thought i was a sexual person, great use of words but flow was a little choppy. hope you met your challange.
    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]

    Ah, yes...and you should not have pulled your other sexually driven metaphors, though I do not think they were quite as strong as this. This was an essential challenge for you...to give you the wings you so needed to reach the next level in your creativity.

    I am sad that I did not get to relish in the previous posts a bit longer before they were pulled, however, if this is how to begin again, then I can only look forward to more.


    I must say, I like it more with every read.

    | Posted on 2004-12-11 00:00:00 | by Stalking Sylvia | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I'm not gonna repeat what everyone else said. This was as good as I expected it to be. A pond of deep imagenation flowing into a river that blossoms the birth of beauty. Afloat are us readers upon the silk ripples laced from your every word. Poeticly painted, artisticly wrote. Your poems amaze me, I'm really impressed by them. I'll be back when you write more for me to read. Thanks.
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Kristina

    I really liked the wording of this...it's sensual and descriptive, capturing the fine details but with just the right amount of distance

    I had images of the vine/plant/thingy branching out and of a couple as well. The last stanza confuses that a little with your reference to petals as that puts the image of two girls in my mind...lol...you'd think I'd be happy with that but I think the last stanza needs to have a masculine touch for the piece to work best. Food for thought...a pleasurable read
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, what a response! one of the things i really enjoy when reading your stuff is the energy. honestly, this write made me feel like a vine was growing and metaphors were flying all around trying to explain its existence. i find your writes quite refeshing and the sexuality is naturally exquisite like a goddess's. reading this poem made me feel serene and it reminds me of the huntington botanical gardens; i mean the way i felt walking through the different gardens, the wonderful statues, and the artsy mood it brings when i am where i'm supposed to be.
    | Posted on 2004-11-25 00:00:00 | by pioneerheart | [ Reply to This ]
      Way to sexualize the plant Kristina...very cool...I really loved the alliterations in here...I always feel like 'F's are good sexy sounding words...wonder why>...anyway...lovely write...your images are beautiful and seductive in a non-dirty...yet very sexy way.
    "I reach—
    For your petals
    Endlessly."...now that is one really great line...so simple and not bogged down with a buncha unneeded words...you say it with these few beautifully...just trips off the tongue...very good!
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is about the best I have read in a while. I guess we all get lucky sometimes, eh?

    Perhaps you should spend a little less time in the forum. It's an unhealthy place. I know, I used to rule that place a long, long time ago.

    It's a good thing you put the subject in the title, or I'd have been lost. The sensuality of your description lends an air of rapture, sort of double-entendric in its personification.
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this Kristina, as i did many of the pieces you deleted (sighhh)-let alone the ones i might have liked had I read them What i like about this is the "cover story" about the shrub itself-whilst another sensuous semi-erotic thread skilfully weaves the botanical details and metaphors with the innuendo and double entendre to create a steamy scene that makes one forget about the garden. There is a sweet and sly covertness about it,-reminds me of reading "lady Chatterly's Lover in highschool study halls -sandwiched of course between the accomodating covers of "Modern Biology".
    Good Stuff.
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      very seductive and sensual write here... i like that, a lot. leave something to the imagination, i say! i love the title and the picture to go with it! this is write on!
    | Posted on 2004-11-21 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not sure if I want to go weed the garden or wake the wife...Such subtle beauty in your metaphors and eloquence in your diction. This hits the spot on every level good poetry is meant to hit. So many in here tend to lean towards porn when trying too describe love-making, either for shock value, lack of ability to express themselves in more subtle ways or perhaps because that's the way they view sex...I find this method far more erotic and few could touch your sensitivity in this piece...

    Where is the rest of your work? On a day like this, where the weather outside taunts me like a poorly conceived poem, I could use the inspiration
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      hm... deep. very deep. and this all started with a tree. very nice, very descriptive. kept me enticed, which can be quite the challenge.
    speaking of, i'd say you met yours.

    Congrats, you've found your way to my fav list
    | Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by hybridmagnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this poem was absolutely Awesome. This is why I like reading your stuff, it always leaves me speechless, I sit over my computer with my mind racing and pacing back and forth wondering what to say so I don't embarrass myself like I'm sum uneducated guy or sumthing...all I can say is...damn good...Thanks for the poem it reminded me to get better.
    | Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by SKillz_Heckle | [ Reply to This ]
      is this your only posting? if so, it shows immense potential. it's so subtle, yet incredibly seductive. definately puts anything i've written to shame. looking forward to your next post!
    | Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by soadman | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the slight rhyme at the end of this. I love the way it's so short and so very, very subtle... it's VERY sexy... very naughty, very seductive... omg I cannot believe I am getting horny reading Kristina's poems...
    LOL, that's a bloody acheivement rofl! Seriously... it's the way you're being quite deliciously wanton whilst still retaining every shred of dignity... no need to play a NIN song to get your lover in the mood if you can write like this...
    Sexy stuff.. I dunno, I wouldn't be able to do half as well as this. And there's a... little mystery in this as well... I dunno what exactly you're hiding but you definitely are keeping something to yourself. Your dignity? No, it's more than that. Ah well, timeless questions. Very well done.
    | Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      Rated triple A's or X's. Take your pick. This was excellent, erotic and yet sensitive and beautiful at the same time. A timeless masterpiece. What else can I say? If there is a flaw, I certainly could not find it. Really well written. Bravo and encore!
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      Kristina, this was truly beautiful. If you know what a cascading bauhinia is, or if you saw the photo above the poem, then you know what the poem is purportedly about. But without those things, it is seductive, sensuous/sensual and titillating. I wouldn't call it erotic because it isn't that blatant. It's much more subtle than eros. I wish I could write like this! mae
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      i can't tell you how impressed i was by this...this was a really great read. i especially loved the imagery, and how you still encorporated it into your poem without losing you point...keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by cre_dia | [ Reply to This ]
      How did you get the cool shiny little star next to this one? I don't understand how people get those next to their pieces of work.... Maybe I am just stupid and need somebody to spell it out forme. :-////
    Wow, the poem sort of wrapped back in to itself at the end, i really enjoyed the formula! The flowers back with the petals and the skirt... I'm not sure how sexual this is but i am really immature and my cheeks are blushing already heh heh eh eheh heh eheh heh ehh/ yeah/ about that..... rright. Well I believe that you have found a voice and a style AND a subject that suits you very well! "good write!" lol actually you are the very first person that i have said "good write" to so you should feel loved. or like somebody just said something totally generic to you but made it so that it is a rewarding type iof generic. im not sure but i meant it as a comoliment! -hillarie
    | Posted on 2004-11-13 00:00:00 | by falloutgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah! this is the stuff! the sensuality, rhythm, and just the right words (none unnecessary). fantastic title too.

    so welcome back. now i think it's time for a drink, and really let one fly!
    | Posted on 2004-11-10 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]
      So, personally one thing that I've never been truly happy about my own work is I feel like my stuff has an erratic rythym. That said, I think the rythym in this poem is what draws me to it. Also I really like the Alliteration in the first stanza.
    "Finger away—
    Plank by plank,
    You gratify
    Wooden ledges,
    White picket

    I also find the language in this section to be extremely strong.
    "Spread beneath
    Decorative skirts,
    Encompassing girth"

    Anyway, just wanted to drop a note to say I think its difficult to write this short, and still keep snappy pacing.
    | Posted on 2004-11-10 00:00:00 | by harley3k | [ Reply to This ]
      Well if you are going to build up your submissions list this should stand as a featured poem for awhile. It showcases all that is your tallent. This is a worthy work for your erotic writing tendancies, it excites the senses as the metaphors work so well. I love the mixing of all that is nature, both human and plants. Good writing. I don't know where your muse jdinnigs comes in, but excellent.
    | Posted on 2004-11-10 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the metaphor of comparing the flowers to a child that drifts away as she grows up. Nice job here with imagery and meter. :-)
    | Posted on 2004-11-10 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      tsk tsk tsk...The Smug one Returns and finds that you have gotten rid of the poem you shat out to diss me...sad state of affairs it is. SO I guess I'll have to comment on this one...and to tell you the truth I'm no poetic critic but I know what I like. For the most part I read this one all the way through which means that It was at least half way decent. You gave good imagery and the balance between the meaning and the imagery itself was great...so I give this poem an A...So there you have it. Smug Doug is a mean guy but he'll always leave a good after taste in your mouth. Thanks for playing along little girl you've been releaved
    | Posted on 2004-11-10 00:00:00 | by Smug_Doug | [ Reply to This ]
      o my good god. that was amazing. its in my favorites.the way you made the plant such a wonderfully sensual thing is breathtaking.i don't think one can do any better when it comes to challeges.i loved it.thank you~nahlij
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Aknahlij_d 1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Learah recommended this one to me! I love writing of this genre, its so amusing. I read hers and expected one kinda like it but it was so different but so good! I really enjoyed it!
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      I read talent lyke thys and it makes me want to sit and put deep thought into a beautiful and deeply meaningful write… make me want to, but I won’t… Ha-ha! I’m terrific.

    For serious- thys is an inspiration and you are… damn… really, really, really, really good…

    Peace, love and surgical scars- ~#6-
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahh. Now this is more like it. The good sort of stuff we've come to expect and love from you.

    At first blush, I had a nice innocent image of the plant covering the fences etc. Then I read into the poem to see the metaphor, which you pulled off quite well I think. The sexual overtones in this poem got my, er... imaginative juices flowing.

    In Stanza 3, "Thin legs—Wrapping their veins...", I was wondering if it shouldn't be "Thin legs— Wrapping their vines..." instead?

    You had a couple lines with nice aliteration in there too. Love how you worded the ending "I reach— for your petals endlessly". Always leave them wanting more. D

    Great Pic also. You know, if you stare into the picture you posted for this piece long enough, you can begin to make out other shapes and images in there. heheh. I enjoyed this one alot. Thanks K!

    - Kirk
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by timberwolf720 | [ Reply to This ]
      What's up K-money millionaire...

    Long time no read...This is a treat of a poem...i see you've already gotten quite a few comments on it (haven't read them yet, but i'm guessing they're quite positive)...
    This is an excellent piece...simplicity and subtlety, flowing from beautifully constructed metaphor...A piece that can be taken for face value and be perfect, or looked into for suggestive meaning and be sly...naturally their is an air of sexuality in this (what life form doesn't have that air), but it comes off more...i dunno...more joyful in the observation of it...kind of, watching the beauty unfold, the interplay between the animate and inanimate, the attractive forces that compel all things, including our eyes, to meet, to hold, to examine, and to complete...

    "You gratify
    Wooden ledges,
    White picket

    I love how "fences" is alone, like you were watching, and the words were dripping out...very monologuey (hmm...not a good word creation)...allowing thoughts to intersect the descriptive from the subject...white picket...fences...awesome...

    great write K...
    Keep it up...

    very nice piece K...
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Kristina,

    The part I loved the most about this poem is that I needed to read it more than once to get it - it's the gift that keeps on giving, like a Beethoven Symphony in just 4 stanzas - beautiful. And everytime I read it, I found a new meaning: first erotic, then birth, then making love (not to be confused with having sex, though)... you never cease to blow me away :) There is nothing more rewarding than a work of art where you look at it under the same light often, yet find something new every time!

    | Posted on 2004-11-26 00:00:00 | by Siven7 | [ Reply to This ]
      Owing to the comments here, there isn't much I can add. I truly enjoyed reading this, it's sensual and descriptive regarding images and hyper-mellow in terms of energy, with a definite buzz designed for maximum effect. Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]