All I See by Drizzt

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Submission Name: All I See dots

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Author:	Drizzt
ASL Info:	18/M/CA
Elite Ratio:	4.25 - 141/154/32
Words:	137

Class/Type:	Lyrics/Dark
Total Views:	374
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	907

Description:
Just a song I wrote during English class this morning while I was tuning out the teacher. Tell me what you think.
-drizzt

All I See dots

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All I see is blood, blood
Dripping down like rain, rain
Can you feel the pain, pain
Of all your broken dreams

Swimming like a suicide
Up through the homicide
River to the parricide
Leading us to genocide

All I feel is blood, blood
Pulsing through my veins, veins
Can you feel the strain, strain
Of tension in your nerves

Swelling up inside you
Growing like a cancer
Looking for the answer
To a question long forgotten

All I hear is blood, blood
Spattering on the walls, walls
Do you hear the calls, calls
Of Satan in your ear

I never meant to hurt you
I only meant to kill you
Freeing you from torture
Brought by living in this world

All I see is blood...

[Repeat 2x and fade]

Submitted on 2004-11-10 14:04:47 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I really liked this poem...to me it had a very Hardcore sound to it...if it isn't hardcore then i really want to hear the music or something to see what it sounds like...it is a emotional peice, but i don't think i would put it in EMO, Buh! but emocore may not be as bad...but i think im going to stick with the hardcore sound for it...or, that what it should be...lol...good write though
| Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by EnHakkore | [ Reply to This ]
  School, eh? Who needs it? Oh, and don't forget: don't let school get in the way of your education.

What you wrote was very good, lyrically, but considering it was written in school, when there must have been different things to concentrate on, am I right in asuming that this was written semi-subconciously?

It is was, it is both a great piece of work, and very disturbing for the reader knowing that the write wrote this without realising it, of course I could be wrong...great write!
| Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
  While I can tell that there is a musical pattern that I can't extrapolate that makes the change in rhyme scheme just, as a (purely) written piece the more relaxed and powerful rhymescheme of the end actually highlights the stilited nature of the beginning. However like I said, I do assume that there is a musical pattern that necessitates the change (I can think of 3 since I started typing).
As for tuning out your english teacher, its the one class where I'd advise paying attention. No matter what you knjow about another class, I've found that if you can communicate intelligently you'lly get respect. Perhaps read another book, preferrably a well respected piece of literature while tuning him out, so that if he comes and pisses on you, you can be like 'sorry you don't compare to (insert great author here).'
shard
| Posted on 2004-11-13 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]
  ...miss mary mac, mac, mac- all dressed in black, black, black- with silver buttons, buttons, buttons- all down her back, back, back... I kinda did a merry jig to this poem... it has a very happy beat, and the lyrics don't match... might wanna look it over, kid...
| Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]
  its not stonesour but hey, i would buy your album, i like the style and very neat in your writting, some of the repeats though mess up your rhythym and i cant spell so i shouldnt even comment, well good luck.
| Posted on 2004-11-10 00:00:00 | by fallenone | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very emotional poem. I can tell and agree with the fact that it would make an awesome song. I would love to hear the actual music to it. That would be awesome. This is a very good piece, just need to hear the music. :o) Ciao!
| Posted on 2004-11-10 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]

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