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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Warning Signdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jester_Gesture
    ASL Info:    23/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 365/459/201
    Words: 276
    Class/Type: Prose/Serious
    Total Views: 884
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1726



    Description:
       This is *maybe* one of the best poems I've ever written, and I seriously hate it. It's about an argument.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWarning Signdots
    -------------------------------------------



    I just wanted someone to talk to.
    It was a November day just like this,
    except it was colder and darker,
    and I didn't have the fever of
    desperate measures taken.

    Instead of someone to talk to,
    I found a loveless love.
    I found a smiling face that was
    scowling in the heart.
    I found a lot of things,
    but I never saw the warning signs.

    So the words beat back and forth.
    I always had more answers,
    better reasons,
    and no excuse to leave it all behind.
    I always had a reason to fight and
    try one more time.

    And I take desperate measures,
    knowing that I'm not in the middle,
    therefore I can't make you see
    from the inside out.
    I take the warning sign and give it
    all I have left.
    I roll up my sleeves and fist my hands.
    Bite my lip and take my stance.

    You want to fight me? Go ahead.
    Don't say I didn't warn you,
    because you don't know what I know.
    I know what you know.
    The battle is rough and I'm
    so excited I could scream.
    It leaps in my heart that God has given me
    the answer, the solution.
    And it leaps lower to know that
    you won't listen.

    You retreat.
    My knuckles are bloody and my face
    is hot with a fierce gaze.
    My hands are shaking as I
    let them loose and sigh.
    I took desperate measures, the warning signs,
    but the end doesn't justify anything
    when you back away.
    So does this mean I win,
    or have I lost you?




    Submitted on 2004-11-10 18:55:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed the image of the fighter my only suggestion is may the "battle is rough" consider the tense it just seemed a little akward to me. I like the way you concluded this piece as well. The refrain didn't add much in my mind, but It didn't detract much either. That's my only critique, good write
    peace
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I really liked this piece. It felt almost like reading a lyrical narrative. I could really feel the emotion I think you were trying to get across, especially in the third stanza for some reason. I think most teenagers in relationships should read this. Thanks for writing, because Iím in a relationship a lot like this right now, and it's good to know Iím not the only one. The final lines of the poem are amazing, and really make it all come together. Great Write! Oh. By the way, I don't know if it matters, but Iím new. *waves* (I hope my commentís ok. *is kinda nervous*)
    | Posted on 2004-11-10 00:00:00 | by folletti | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh man. This is good. I read alot of stuff on here that's unoriginal, or frankly, boring. This, I like. I really like the details about the appearance of the fighter. The last stanza is really nice. That's how all fights are aren't they? Yea, I'll be reading more of you.
    | Posted on 2004-11-10 00:00:00 | by reid kat | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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