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pirouettes on your piano.
i will dance aross these walls,
along these lines,
over these paths.
my hair smells of smoke.
the sparkles from my dress are in your eyes.
they are slivers of the moon.
color yourself elegant.
let us be how we once were.
| a nice smooth flowing poem. It makes you you at peace and calms the soul. play play play and sway sway sway...beat the image of dancing into your brain. all together a nice little poem. This poem reminds me of the smokey rooms with the bongo beats in the background where everyone snaps or today i guss it would be in a coffee cafe. I think i'd be more enjoyable when read out load to the hypnotic beats of the bongo, but still a great poem||| Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by iHaveNoName323 | [ Reply to This ] || I fell in love with this evocative little gem immediately.You air-brush a late-night bar scenario, with the sparkle of "slivers of the moon". The cliché melancholy.,the stale cigarette smoke, and "play it again Sam" refrain - all colored silver and lapiz lazuli with your imagination. I liked the alliteration "pirouettes on your piano. play, play, play" . -and all the esses in the second stanza. That with the exuberant repetition and "sparkle" imagery, give the poem a joyous free feeling, -like flying-as when dancing. |
The ending to me is poignant, "color yourself elegant, let us be how we once were." -suggesting a longing for that time when love was fresh, light and lively. the simplicity of the form and words here are what make it so elegant and bang-on.
|| Posted on 2004-12-29 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ] || Are you reading my mind, sugar? I think I've asked you that before. Can't remember. This is one hell of an answer to the question I posed. And it is the answer I thought you would give. Dancing...|
I ask people this question sometimes. Not often, just when I find someone whose answer I think might be interesting. I often ponder upon this. I have a scene in my mind that is familiar and warm to me. And you just described it, and the wistfulness that it embodies, quite perfectly. Is there a glass of bourbon in your hand as you spin slowly with the music? Maybe there is, or perhaps this time it is wine, and your tongue is stained like a dark rose.
And the piano envelops you, brings you close and makes love to you, and the nighttime glows purple-you see heaven in the stars.
That is something of what that type of experience is to me. Regardless, it is always one of my happiest times, when the hurt goes away, and I can be how I once was.
You see alot, honey. You see so damn much...
|| Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by KrimsonReaper | [ Reply to This ] || beautiful and visionary. Thank you for sharing. I see smoky jazz clubs and smell coffee and cigarettes myself. thanks for writing. Salude||| Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by cainboy | [ Reply to This ] || all i can see is a smokey dingy bar with some old crooner playing the night away... its a safe place... comforting likes already been said... it gives one the feel of how things were before...|
i like the eyes/sparkles/moon sliver part... gorgeous... you have the most amazing imagery in your work!
|| Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ] || I picture myself in a dusty old dive bar, and an old sad piano song is playing on the jukebox like Piano Man, or Tiny Dancer, and there you are, an atractive girl, or at least what my drunken lenses tell me. Everyone is boistreouse and laughing, and I'm in the corner with my whisky outside of the world looking in slow motion at you as you talk to my head, as you sparlke and sway. Cool poem.||| Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by Ratmeat | [ Reply to This ] || Nice, I like the beat of this poem with the repititation. I like the message. a lounge singer falling love with her piano player. Kinda a little dirty with the cigarette smoke and all. Not typical love, but everyday love. Not every relationship needs to be epic. Nice work.||| Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by solararia | [ Reply to This ] || Wow, this poem was awesome. It's a very comforiting poem as playing card said. Its awesome because i can hear a piano and see a young girl dancing and its just great and it sounds almost like you could recite it an di could hear a feminine voice saying it just so to give you goosebumps.|
great poem.. a fav!! keep on writing!
|| Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by Maki | [ Reply to This ] || i agree this is a comforting poem, it's a beautiful image we give us, you spinning in a smoke filled room, the sotto honky tonk jazz music flowing in the air, as you dance and dance you use words that inspire you imagantion or at least mine...i really like this||| Posted on 2004-11-10 00:00:00 | by playing card | [ Reply to This ] |