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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Living Lossdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: redthewitch
    ASL Info:    36/f/tiny rural village
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 267/175/26
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1174
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 480



    Description:
       Work in progress, trying to work out my ideas. Thanks for bearing with me. Any and all comments welcome!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLiving Lossdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It is the thief of memories
    It is the thief of life
    It is the thief of self
    Slowly creeping upon a victim

    Where stands their lover, they see a stranger
    Where stands their child, they see a stranger
    Where memory once held
    the laughter and tears of a lifetime,
    there is a faded imprint, things that may be randomly recalled
    Where once there was life,
    is now confusion, anger, bitterness
    and fear




    Submitted on 2004-11-11 02:14:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Man, that brings back memories of my Granddaddy. He had alzeheimers, and it's just as you wrote it. One of the saddest periods in my family's life.
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by JAvery | [ Reply to This ]
      This was shunted short for me. I was really getting into it when it ended :(. I think the idea was good. Maybe the repetition of stranger was unnecessary. I liked the theif repetition though it pucntuated the point. I just read its a WIP, i will be back lol!

    In that case

    Maybe bring some age references into in. My friends dad was a carpenter and when alzheimers hit he planed the walls with a mars bar. Was obviously working in his head.

    Let me know when its finished :)
    Love Kate
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, great potential this poem has. At any rate, you touched upon a major nerve since my grandmother became blindsided by it several years ago. I believe it was finally the thing that stole her last breath. I think this piece should keep a little repetition in it, as it sets the mood well. Perhaps when you elongate it?
    ~Truff
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by Trufflepiggy | [ Reply to This ]
      My aunt has Alzheimer's', and she was only 52 when she was diagnosed. It's a very scary disease. Ok, there are a few things that I'd change in this. I'd cut down on the repetition too. Why not just say something like "A thief of memories, of life, of self"? It says the same thing, but it's less redundant. How about something like:

    Where stands a lover, a child
    Stand strangers
    And a faded imprint,
    Of the laughter and tears of a lifetime,
    Things may be randomly recalled
    Confusion, anger, bitterness
    Where once there was life.

    The they thing is kind of off too, I think, unless you're trying to speak universally for all people with Alzheimer's. It's common to use they for a singular noun, but it's technically a subject/verb agreement error. So, I took it out all together. Alternately, you could make this personal, you know, about a grandmother or something. I say that because using his/her, the usual way to correct the subject/ verb agreement error, sounds clunky.
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      I have a couple of suggestions:

    A thief of memories
    A thief of life
    It is the thief of self
    Slowly creeping upon a victim

    Where stands their lover, they see a stranger
    Where stands their child, they see a stranger
    Where memory once held
    the laughter and tears of a lifetime,
    there is a faded imprint, things that may be randomly recalled
    Where once was life,
    is now
    confusion, anger,
    bitterness
    and fear


    it's up to you. I don't have someone close to me who suffers from this disease but I think you captured it quite well. good poem. let me know when you're finished with it.
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      My grandmother does not kno who I am anymore. She remembers my dad as being a child still.. It is a horrible disease that by infection affects all around… It works backwards in the mind- eating through their lyfe. Use that.
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      My mother suffers from dementia which is akin to Alzheimer's. Your last two lines really tell the whole story. And your first stanza is an absolutely perfect description. It's a thief, a great big, fat, stinking thief.

    You said it all in a few well-chosen words. Good job. mae
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      i have a coupla issues with this write though i guess thats coz i work with ppl who have dementia/alzheimers and i guess i have quite a grasp on how it works...
    its really hard to sit by and watch a family member suffer from dementia but i promise you that for the most part they arent suffering as such...
    the thing about dementia and memory loss etc is that its the more recent memories that go first so yeah... your loved one could be reliving their childhood growing up milking cows etc... that is their reality... the most important thing to do is to not argue with them... let them live their reality... thats whats real to them...
    anyways... sorry about the lecture and all... i gues you may already have known some of it anyways... if you finish this or become more satisfied with it let me know... and if you have any questions at all about dementia PM me sometime... id be pleased to be of assistance if possible in helping you understand better... take care
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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