Description: Not sure if this is a poem because it sort of came out like a rant. Haven't written for months and months. And no, I am not planning to propose to anyone. Hell.. I'm 18.
Time to Think -------------------------------------------
The sweetest of words
with a ring, while kneeling,
isn't nearly making her feel
all that you are feeling.
Just as pumping hearts,
bloody veins and lungs breathing,
aren't as crucial to life
as a boiling love seething.
Here is a case where the title really helps to make the poem. I like your concepts. One word I'd look at is make.
isn't nearly making her feel
I think "letting" her feel has a better connotation for your thought here, don't you?
The imagery in the second half is a bit lurid with "bloody veins" Heart pumping and lungs breathing are all standard operating procedure for the body, but bloody veins remind me of a dreadful accident. I don't really have a suggestion on changing that though.
They're never done, are they? Good luck with everything, Dave
Short but had strong message. Vivid wording, sounded., few words yet so descriptive. I take it this is a proposal. You do have talent. his is a great piece. I get writer's block oftem too and you've been busy focusing on things besides writing so I'd say you've accoplished moe than your share
you kinda have to read it more than once to understand really what it is saying. i think that you should seperate the 2nd line into two seperate lines though. It makes the poem have more rythem, and life. But other than that it is pretty good. although i know that you can do better. ~Shadow
ahh bruno this one is definetly one of my favorites done by you.. I have to wonder if this has anything to do with something going on in your life or in your mind... mmm.. well i shall talk to you tonight.. i must get back to my computer science class. really lovely piece though... good wording. brooke
Woah... that should be under passion. I'm not sure how you have any more claim to a lack of talent than anybody else on this site...to be able to take your feelings and put them into words that can make others feel the way this poem made me feel...you ave more claim to talent than some people here and that's what I believe (my beliefs are hard to destroy...believe me nobody's managed yet.) -AC
Please don't believe that you don't have talent. This short poem showed me more talent than I could have seen in 2000 words. It was really great, I thoroughly enjoyed it and it takes alot for me to say that. Glad I got to read it. Keep writing
u write what you feel whether others understand or not doesn't matter. as long as you are happy with what you write. talent is not an issue, but if you write from the heart is. I like the piece and don't ever cut yourself down by saying you have no talent-u do, u just have to find it again. ***
great piece nice imagery of words title says it all in my view a thought belongs to no one but ones self no thought should be left alone with imagery we paint a thought many ways great piece sandman
Personally, I think the first four lines and the last four lines. seem like two different poems. The first four seem like a sweet love poem. and the second seems like a tortured love poem. I wonder if she says yes or no?
well the words are your own so id have to say that they are pretty good.. hmm.. if this is what i think it is someone is about to be pretty happy.. when you need words they will come to you.. so don't really worry about it.. all the best.. Adam
Submission Name: Time to Think
