A mother's Fear by jaycee

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Submission Name: A mother's Fear dots

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Author:	jaycee
ASL Info:	38/F/ Texas
Elite Ratio:	4.85 - 2410/1167/153
Words:	140

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	384
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	992

Description:

A mother's Fear dots

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Sickness strikes
Leaving me to drown
In this saline waterfall deluge.
Worry gorges
On this mother's soul
Feeding upon helplessness;
Morphing into it's own disease
Until the acrid taste of fear
Accompanies thoughts of you.

Innocence and Ignorance
Are your comfort and strength
As you continue on dervish -style,
Unafraid of anything but the
Monster that consumes me,
Leaving me weak with fear.

You are the source of all emotion.
My Lavender scented garden,
My laughter on the wind,
My mephistophelian beast of burden
And my chrism of Love and Hope.
And I am inundated by all
Each time I look at you.

For now I wait,
Longing and praying
For the moment of release.
The moment when all is well,
When all I see gazing at your visage
Is love and joy.

Submitted on 2004-11-11 20:14:01 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Wow! I started off reading this and was rather confused! Such a high vocabulary you have! *sighs* Yes, I completed high school but...man...still...LOL

This was very deep and had a lot of meaning. You did a great job with this! You have pure talent. I won't deny you of that!

Li Li
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by ThaCrib | [ Reply to This ]
  I have to admit that I was kind of taken by surprise and have to agree that the title made me think I was going to read a "tender motherly piece".

Definitely a nice change from your usual motherly love poem. I have to say that I'm not familiar with some of your vocabulary, so it may not have come across as strongly as you may have wanted.

Overall, I liked this one a lot. Unexpected, considering the title. That's always nice, one gets tired of hearing the same old clichés every time you read a certain kind of poem.

Keep up the good work, and you'll be reading more from me later, you can count on that.

Unicorn.
| Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi Jan. This poem took me by surprise. I was all set to read a tender motherly piece (if that's a fair characterization), and I read instead a write of torment. lol. Why "saline waterfall deluge"? The only association i could conjure up was something having to do with tears, but somehow i don't think that's the key to the expression here. "Worry gorges/On his mother's soul" describes a monstrous eater. Nicely wraught. And you then introduce the object of your poem clearly in the promiment line at the end of that first stanza: "Accompanies thoughts of you." Already here i my curiosity pirked. This was mother's concern. Dervish is such perfect and evokative simile to compare to this unconcerned innocent energy. Oh and here we have that monster which you evoked earlier. The third stanza is artfully written (as always:)). I did however have one doubt concerning "My mephistophelian beast of burden." I understand Mephistopheles to be Lucifer's second in command who appears prominently in a writing by Goethe concerning the sale of one's soul. If this is the allusion I was not able to join that line coherently with the happy tone of the rest of that stanza.
I wonder about the last stanza. You write that you await "love and joy"of your child. How is this love and joy going to be different than the happy dervish-style innocence already reflected in stanzas two and three. Still, all in all, a very intriguing and pleasurable piece. Thanks so much, and please don't mind my quibbling. :) Peace
| Posted on 2005-05-07 00:00:00 | by razmohin2 | [ Reply to This ]
  this was great i could see my self in you poem the images you left for the reader reflect life situations that alot of people do not face in day to day life very well spoken great write
thanx for the comments on music i am appreciative of the great comment
sandman
| Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
  This brings back memories of my childhood. yeah mothers do have fear and worrys, but they need to not over do it when it comes to health. I can sense what you are going through, and the father also goes through the same stuff plus the struggle to be strong for his families sake.
| Posted on 2005-03-20 00:00:00 | by hotrodruss | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow.. you write so well.. There is nothing like the emotions that come with motherhood.. and you have done justice to those that you describe... the words you use really enable me to feel your emotions.. I hope your release comes soon for you..
| Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
  the flow was really good. it was easy to read, and to understand. i really enjoyed the last two stanzas because you described a mothers feeling of her own child perfectly...it makes you want to go and hug your mom! haha. good job.
| Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by cre_dia | [ Reply to This ]
  i hope all is well on this...

i really felt this one. when your loved ones - especially your children - may be ill, it is hard to even describe the feelings.

The release moment will come.
| Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]
  i'll keep u in my thooughts and I hope that everything turns out well witth your son.... Innocence and Ignorance
Are your comfort and strength, no knwlege is good especailly when dealing with health....
| Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
  It's simply beautiful and given the situaion you mentioned, my heart really felt these words...spoken from deep within the heart. This was such an emotional and brave piece of literature.
Thanks, and all my wishes...
-Kristina
| Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
  Alas, beauty in words. i am no mother nor shall i ever be. but i hope to make a great father, and a part of me will become a mother in the process. and the rapid fire assault in the middle. Elsyian purely to its truest form.

*Steps back*
*Applauds*

Lovely

Semper Fidelis,
Christopher
| Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]
  wow..that is impressive, I haven't read your poems in so long! This was a really really good poem. Feel proud of your work! I love the way you combine words to make it easier to the reader to understand the situation or feeling. For example in these phrases:
"Innocence and Ignorance"
"Are your comfort and strength"
"And my chrism of Love and Hope."
"Longing and praying"
"Is love and joy."

The flow of the poem was great, it is just perfect! There is not much I can do to fix or not much I can say to improve, at this moment I'm worshipping your write. It is just excellent! I'm amazed, shocked, and satisfied.
I think I will add this to my favorites it is a very intersting, excellent write!
| Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by nj | [ Reply to This ]
  what a beautful piece This is very well written
good work keep it up I can truely empthize
I feel for you I will pray for you tonight peace and love
| Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]

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