Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lifeís Oceandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 668
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 727



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLifeís Oceandots
    -------------------------------------------


    Kiss me kindly
    For my lips are chapped
    With the heat of life,
    Drying on the oceanís sand.

    A cul-de-sac sea
    Leading and misleading.
    Planted through out the sky,
    Sprawled out on the beach.

    Guide me to the water
    But I need some help.
    There's too many shells
    Underneath me.
    I need some help
    Setting fire to the sea.

    Coast sparkles of glass
    With tiny memories.
    Iíll have to let you go
    Find someone else to help me.
    Sweep a flame
    Torch my way.
    Iím tired of
    Going in over my head,
    I think
    Iíll walk on water
    This time, instead.




    Submitted on 2004-11-11 20:34:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I must say I really like the evolution of your work. The second stanza hs two little problems. you need to drop the "But" in the second line since Guiding is helping. and your Setting fire not sitting fire.
    I think most of us would like at least one relationship where we are worishiped. Nicely done with the metaphors. Although tides and oceans are used to describe passion, you managed to find ways to make this feel totally new.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      This is the impossibilities of life you have described here. Loving so deeply that you'd rather try to walk on water than let the person go. That's what I got from it. You have some powerful words formed in this. It's not about the words, but how you arrange them. You've done that beautifully with this piece. Great imagery and description. I just really enjoyed this. :)
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    32091

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Love written by saartha
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Records I written by Raphael
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry