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    dots Submission Name: Lifeís Oceandots

    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 671
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 727


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    dotsLifeís Oceandots

    Kiss me kindly
    For my lips are chapped
    With the heat of life,
    Drying on the oceanís sand.

    A cul-de-sac sea
    Leading and misleading.
    Planted through out the sky,
    Sprawled out on the beach.

    Guide me to the water
    But I need some help.
    There's too many shells
    Underneath me.
    I need some help
    Setting fire to the sea.

    Coast sparkles of glass
    With tiny memories.
    Iíll have to let you go
    Find someone else to help me.
    Sweep a flame
    Torch my way.
    Iím tired of
    Going in over my head,
    I think
    Iíll walk on water
    This time, instead.

    Submitted on 2004-11-11 20:34:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I must say I really like the evolution of your work. The second stanza hs two little problems. you need to drop the "But" in the second line since Guiding is helping. and your Setting fire not sitting fire.
    I think most of us would like at least one relationship where we are worishiped. Nicely done with the metaphors. Although tides and oceans are used to describe passion, you managed to find ways to make this feel totally new.
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      This is the impossibilities of life you have described here. Loving so deeply that you'd rather try to walk on water than let the person go. That's what I got from it. You have some powerful words formed in this. It's not about the words, but how you arrange them. You've done that beautifully with this piece. Great imagery and description. I just really enjoyed this. :)
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]

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