Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: That's in my backyarddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 828
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 656



    Description:
       I fixed that suggestion


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThat's in my backyarddots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's a broken star
    Buried in the backyard.
    It lost its shine
    So, I threw it aside.
    Then the dawn came
    And never relinquished hold.
    The sun's been up
    For days.
    Night's curtain is broken
    I think it's because of the star,
    That's in my backyard.

    People walk around
    Depressed.
    They miss the
    Water bowl sky,
    Dark imbued specks,
    As in their soul they cry,
    "Dig up the star
    That's in your backyard."
    I mournfully tell,
    "I can not."
    For it has died.




    Submitted on 2004-11-11 20:36:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this poem is very eccentric...
    And I think it might have went a little over my head...
    the metaphors are breath taking to say the least,
    "Water bowl sky,
    Dark imbued specks,
    As in their soul they cry"
    but what does the star stand for?
    does it stand for a part of you?
    let me know, when you get the chance.
    Swanne
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]
      Than/Then... Chris, I do like the way you're using metaphor, but be sure that the message is not lost in the symbolism. Does dawn itself have a specific meaning here or is it just that it's taken away the shine from the star? Dawn usually holds hope so to use it as the opressor will throw some readers off.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a unique and interesting work but do to my simple mind I'm not sure what your trying to say. As just a fun piece it works for me. Taking away the night and not being able to bring it back.
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    32092

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Bond written by saartha
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    untitled written by Chelebel
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    To written by SavedDragon
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Incubus written by monad

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry