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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: words_can_heal
    ASL Info:    22 Female
    Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 79/111/22
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 776
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 681



    Description:
       Just some first impressions please. Is it enjoyable to read?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Glass Door

    The door was locked,
    you said.
    The door was locked,
    you lied.
    I believed you.
    But I shouldn't have.
    I should never have believed you.
    The door wasn't locked at all.
    Tangled in your embrace.
    Writhing in pure pleasure.
    The door creaks open...
    Heads peer inside.
    the door was locked,
    you said.
    The door was locked,
    You lied.
    I'm grateful for your little lie.
    Because I was lucky to be with you.
    That night, that feeling, so special.
    The door was never locked at all.
    I don't mind.




    Submitted on 2004-11-12 02:24:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This piece is interesting and it takes you in. What I noticed was how clean cut this piece was meaning well groomed, but at the same time clear and original. Good work.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Belle De Jour | [ Reply to This ]
      jajaajajaja! Wow... I would have definitely felt embarassed if that happened to me! I liked how you made this poem funny but at the same time passionate:
    Tangled in your embrace.
    Writhing in pure pleasure.

    Those 2 lines gave the poem maturity.
    Also, I noticed that you used a very helpful technique which was repetition. You repeated several lines in the poem in order to give them significance and get your message across more than once:
    The door was locked,
    you said.
    The door was locked,
    you lied.

    Good job... funny one! I hope that never happens to anyone... specially if it's your parents who peer inside!
    margui
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by margui | [ Reply to This ]
      bam... hit me right in the head with a fairly memorable ending. i liked the formation of this piece. it had its own voice. nicely done with the manifestation of a hesitant shell...
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    32131

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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