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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Half Expecting Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 869
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 369



    Description:
       This is what passes for clever on a gray, rainy day like today.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHalf Expecting Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your startled eyes
    the way your hands almost leapt forth
    made you appear trapped in the photograph.
    I put the picture on the table,
    knocked on it like a door
    half expecting you to jump out
    or pull me inside
    for a mug of cocoa
    and whatever else you desire
    to warm your body
    and hopefully your heart.




    Submitted on 2004-11-12 07:30:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i've read a coupe of your poam and they are not my stlye of poetry, yet i respcet the indivigual work that you clearly deminstrat though your poetry. as for my spelling and grammer i know i need to improve. i look foward to reading some more of you works.
    thank you felicia
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by snufthepunk28 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this until I got to the last line. I realise that the picture evokes great comfort and sentimentality (the good kind!), akin to a mug of cocoa on a cold evening, but even still cocoa felt like a letdown. A swathing hug, or tender kiss, a gentle caress that smoothed away frown lines and their gnawing tension was what I wanted to hear. But up until the final line I was enoying the poem. I can imagine how a picture could look so real. I liked what you mentioned about the hands held open in such a way that they looked as if they could break through the pane. So I'm a bit 50-50 on this.
    Lea
    | Posted on 2004-11-13 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      this is an interesting vignette. i can almost see the picture. i really just liek the way this poem about a photo is such a small "snapshot" in time.
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this it speaks well of your bright imagination and tells us of your longing. I like the "mug of cocoa" too, it qualifies the relationship in the realm of just "being with you" so that's a good idea. But I think one more thought or line about weather would help ground that idea, it comes out of the blue.

    I put the picture on the table
    Knocked on it like a door
    drops run on the window pain

    But you have to decide if and where you want this. It's really not that strange of a stretch, just an idea you might consider. http://www.eliteskills.com/smile.gif
    nan
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      that was sweet with a tinge of melancholy, as you are obviously missing someone who's photgraph you are looking at (probably your bf, right?!). i like this little snippet, and it made me want to make a mug of hot chocolate, as today is a gloomy day here.
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like a longing to see your man in the picture...I do that kind of thing with pictures of my neices. In their pictures I see them smile at me saying "come play with me"...and I almost hear it. But they live in Chicago. It's always too long between visits when I notice they've sprouted 3 inches since I saw them last...
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ]
      The start? I'd say the end needs tweaking myself because the rest of the write makes it seem like it really was a rainy day, but then, ok cocoa does give a sense of comfort, but to me it follows a different theme. The whole piece builds up this whole sense of entrapment and suspense, and then 'cocoa?' It all seems a little premature to me...
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      cocoa...hmmm. and some cookies. that's what I have here now. delicious. the best on such a cold day like this. it feels colder than it really is because of the wind but anyway. this is a nice poem. interesting concept. never thought of wanting to interact with a picture. you really miss Paul I think. hope you have the chance to put your arms around him soon.
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, really like the concept of the interaction with a static image. Love the way you express one concept and image so clearly. Did someone say something about a cup of cocoa? Be back in a sec. Thanx for your words.
    -Jimma-
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by Jimma | [ Reply to This ]
      Still missing that guy of yours eh? Does he see these pieces? It's very nice, I hope he gets home soon. Although his absence may stir your creative juices.
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]


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