Description: This is what passes for clever on a gray, rainy day like today.
Half Expecting You -------------------------------------------
Your startled eyes
the way your hands almost leapt forth
made you appear trapped in the photograph.
I put the picture on the table,
knocked on it like a door
half expecting you to jump out
or pull me inside
for a mug of cocoa
and whatever else you desire
to warm your body
and hopefully your heart.
i've read a coupe of your poam and they are not my stlye of poetry, yet i respcet the indivigual work that you clearly deminstrat though your poetry. as for my spelling and grammer i know i need to improve. i look foward to reading some more of you works. thank you felicia
I liked this until I got to the last line. I realise that the picture evokes great comfort and sentimentality (the good kind!), akin to a mug of cocoa on a cold evening, but even still cocoa felt like a letdown. A swathing hug, or tender kiss, a gentle caress that smoothed away frown lines and their gnawing tension was what I wanted to hear. But up until the final line I was enoying the poem. I can imagine how a picture could look so real. I liked what you mentioned about the hands held open in such a way that they looked as if they could break through the pane. So I'm a bit 50-50 on this. Lea
I like this it speaks well of your bright imagination and tells us of your longing. I like the "mug of cocoa" too, it qualifies the relationship in the realm of just "being with you" so that's a good idea. But I think one more thought or line about weather would help ground that idea, it comes out of the blue.
I put the picture on the table Knocked on it like a door drops run on the window pain
that was sweet with a tinge of melancholy, as you are obviously missing someone who's photgraph you are looking at (probably your bf, right?!). i like this little snippet, and it made me want to make a mug of hot chocolate, as today is a gloomy day here.
Sounds like a longing to see your man in the picture...I do that kind of thing with pictures of my neices. In their pictures I see them smile at me saying "come play with me"...and I almost hear it. But they live in Chicago. It's always too long between visits when I notice they've sprouted 3 inches since I saw them last...
The start? I'd say the end needs tweaking myself because the rest of the write makes it seem like it really was a rainy day, but then, ok cocoa does give a sense of comfort, but to me it follows a different theme. The whole piece builds up this whole sense of entrapment and suspense, and then 'cocoa?' It all seems a little premature to me...
cocoa...hmmm. and some cookies. that's what I have here now. delicious. the best on such a cold day like this. it feels colder than it really is because of the wind but anyway. this is a nice poem. interesting concept. never thought of wanting to interact with a picture. you really miss Paul I think. hope you have the chance to put your arms around him soon.
Hey, really like the concept of the interaction with a static image. Love the way you express one concept and image so clearly. Did someone say something about a cup of cocoa? Be back in a sec. Thanx for your words. -Jimma-