Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Half Expecting Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 896
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 369



    Description:
       This is what passes for clever on a gray, rainy day like today.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHalf Expecting Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your startled eyes
    the way your hands almost leapt forth
    made you appear trapped in the photograph.
    I put the picture on the table,
    knocked on it like a door
    half expecting you to jump out
    or pull me inside
    for a mug of cocoa
    and whatever else you desire
    to warm your body
    and hopefully your heart.




    Submitted on 2004-11-12 07:30:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i've read a coupe of your poam and they are not my stlye of poetry, yet i respcet the indivigual work that you clearly deminstrat though your poetry. as for my spelling and grammer i know i need to improve. i look foward to reading some more of you works.
    thank you felicia
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by snufthepunk28 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this until I got to the last line. I realise that the picture evokes great comfort and sentimentality (the good kind!), akin to a mug of cocoa on a cold evening, but even still cocoa felt like a letdown. A swathing hug, or tender kiss, a gentle caress that smoothed away frown lines and their gnawing tension was what I wanted to hear. But up until the final line I was enoying the poem. I can imagine how a picture could look so real. I liked what you mentioned about the hands held open in such a way that they looked as if they could break through the pane. So I'm a bit 50-50 on this.
    Lea
    | Posted on 2004-11-13 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      this is an interesting vignette. i can almost see the picture. i really just liek the way this poem about a photo is such a small "snapshot" in time.
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this it speaks well of your bright imagination and tells us of your longing. I like the "mug of cocoa" too, it qualifies the relationship in the realm of just "being with you" so that's a good idea. But I think one more thought or line about weather would help ground that idea, it comes out of the blue.

    I put the picture on the table
    Knocked on it like a door
    drops run on the window pain

    But you have to decide if and where you want this. It's really not that strange of a stretch, just an idea you might consider. http://www.eliteskills.com/smile.gif
    nan
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      that was sweet with a tinge of melancholy, as you are obviously missing someone who's photgraph you are looking at (probably your bf, right?!). i like this little snippet, and it made me want to make a mug of hot chocolate, as today is a gloomy day here.
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like a longing to see your man in the picture...I do that kind of thing with pictures of my neices. In their pictures I see them smile at me saying "come play with me"...and I almost hear it. But they live in Chicago. It's always too long between visits when I notice they've sprouted 3 inches since I saw them last...
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ]
      The start? I'd say the end needs tweaking myself because the rest of the write makes it seem like it really was a rainy day, but then, ok cocoa does give a sense of comfort, but to me it follows a different theme. The whole piece builds up this whole sense of entrapment and suspense, and then 'cocoa?' It all seems a little premature to me...
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      cocoa...hmmm. and some cookies. that's what I have here now. delicious. the best on such a cold day like this. it feels colder than it really is because of the wind but anyway. this is a nice poem. interesting concept. never thought of wanting to interact with a picture. you really miss Paul I think. hope you have the chance to put your arms around him soon.
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, really like the concept of the interaction with a static image. Love the way you express one concept and image so clearly. Did someone say something about a cup of cocoa? Be back in a sec. Thanx for your words.
    -Jimma-
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by Jimma | [ Reply to This ]
      Still missing that guy of yours eh? Does he see these pieces? It's very nice, I hope he gets home soon. Although his absence may stir your creative juices.
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    32147

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Genesis written by saartha
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    This written by Chelebel
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    ME written by jjd
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Stretto written by saartha
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry