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    dots Submission Name: Voiddots

    Author: rounin
    ASL Info:    17/f/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 122/113/21
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 991
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 691

       This is just something i wrote on spur of the moment, pleeeaaase don't be nice, tell me what I can do to make it better.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.



    What is to be done when the world
    collapses under you?

    When all that is known is lost,
    When the sky isn't blue anymore,
    When faces and voices are a blur...

    Friends become strangers
    Dark becomes light
    Distance closes
    And you're more alone than you know.


    Through darting, concerned eyes
    the universe dissolves
    and leaves behind
    a void,
    an illusion.

    That piercing gaze you catch-
    Does it see you?
    Souls you find...
    are they your dreams, or are you theirs?

    Submitted on 2004-11-12 13:28:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      "are they your dreams, or are you theirs?" Although this line seems so out of place at the end of this poem, almost an entirely different mood.... it's so awesome. It's freaking spectacular how you molded that sentence to the perfect structure to leave not only a question in your mind, but a distinct image of things to come. The only thing I don't like about this whole work is the last part where you put "Intriguing..." It's different because it's reflecting on your own thoughts, which is cool, but it almost makes you sound too all-knowing and that you've figured out everything you need to know about this subject. Just my humble opinion.
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by majinkenshinamv | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting questions. Let me know if you come up w/ any answers for that. I love the set up of the piece and the imagery. I enjoy the way the piece makes you think-there's not enough thought provoking work out there anymore. Good job.
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]

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