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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Feelingsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Star_searcher
    ASL Info:    17/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 114/109/20
    Words: 184
    Class/Type: Misc/Venting
    Total Views: 1102
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1087



    Description:
       I guess this is just something that had to come out, feeling a bit down : ( I'm not really sure whether to classify it as a poem, it started out as one but it doesn't really have a flow or structure so I'll leave it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFeelingsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    How can I still be feeling this, thinking of you.
    I hate these thoughts, I wish they would just leave my head.
    I wish you would leave.
    Just go.

    You ruin everything,
    Everytime I think I'm over this you introduce something else.
    What will it be next ....

    This is the worst, you shove it in my face
    and so does she.
    She being the one who said it would be hard but it would be ok,
    better than ok,
    I would find someone new.

    How could I have been so stupid,
    She just wanted me out of the way.
    Didn't take her long.
    Well, I guess I knew she was like that.

    You probably think I'm messed up for writing all this but it's you that has done this to me.

    Think about the old me ... the happy one, the one that would have done anything for you.
    You took that away.

    I suppose there is nothing left to say to you,
    You've made me feel so worthless.

    I guess I hope your happy.




    Submitted on 2004-11-12 16:46:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I like it because it explain's how you really and truly feel, and there is nothing repeated in it very much, but that's one of the things that I like about it, because altough they can be used to tie things together, it's good to hear something that isn't sp inform

    ^Monkey^
    **Manda**
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by Monkey | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice piece. I liked the way you expressed your fellings. And it's a healthy thing to do. Keep expressing so I can keep reading...
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by Chicool2 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that this write has a universal feel to it when you use the second person. I think people will find it a lot easier to relate if you only use the first person, eg:

    You just wanted me out of the way.
    Didn't take you long.
    Well, I guess I knew you were like that.

    Maybe, but you said this was venting so I guess this write is about what is important to you. I think you vented very well, and if it was in the first person, I could relate perfectly...
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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