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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You Ol' Twisted Minddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brain
    ASL Info:    28/m/Miami FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.45 - 27/37/12
    Words: 222
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 697
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1360



    Description:
       


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    dotsYou Ol' Twisted Minddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I was just a walkin' down tha street one day,
    walkin' and a talkin' and a shufflin' my feet
    the sound a tha concrete pattin' my soles,
    feelin' that love vibe down in ma soul

    oh oh oh oh, I just lova the way
    that the leaves fall slowly as I pass
    by their way,
    today never a shadow shall come 'round me,
    got that security deep down in me
    that the Lord lends t' me

    see how that all the good crayons come to me?
    All I know is that I'm God's son see,
    don't forget it see,
    I make it where you can't see me

    I turn my back on you see

    when once I see you again out in the streets
    I'm gonna kill what love I got for you and then
    send you to the grave all silent and deep

    no one's comin' 'cause they don't care
    that you sleep,
    you're not gonna wake up 'cause
    I'm gon' make you dream

    friend, when you finally be the first to see
    what lies on the other side of reality,
    then give me the wisdom that's elusive I pray~
    the reason I murder you today is so
    that you can make me stronger and stronger.







    Submitted on 2004-11-12 17:12:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ok, the old dude in this piece is very twisted. I like the way that he talked, with the old type of dialogue. If he was very religious though, why would he kill someone just to make him stronger? Isn't that a bit denomic and devilish? Or are you just further illistrating that the dude is, in fact, old and insane?

    This is a very different style for you though, and I must congradulate you on no repitition...very well done on that point. The flow gets a little clumpy, but maybe that because the guy goes from God loving to people hating, it seems like, and I get confused. Not bad, though... I loved the format.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ]


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