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    dots Submission Name: a place in the starsdots

    Author: ariadne
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 99/85/26
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 932
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 689

       could someone please please please suggest a better title for this? I'm begging you, sort of, but none that suck.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa place in the starsdots

    You want a place in the stars
    And thatís all youíve demanded so far?
    Flying high on a motorbike
    Stunning the rich and those alike
    The farther up you go you stumble
    it will take much more to make you humble

    Youíve gotten pushy in your age
    And they have made you something all the rage
    You fight so they will know your name
    But theyíll forget you all the same
    Theyíll turn on you and all you antics
    You end up sorry, cold and frantic

    It isnít you I fell out of love with
    Itís the one you took away
    It wasnít sípossed to be a promise
    But I didnít let go of this

    Submitted on 2004-11-12 21:11:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think it begins strong and ends, less so. false esteem, comes to mind as a title, but that is only my undersanding of the situation. He looks up, she looks back.. both realize they don't like what they thought they did. I am I way offbase?
    | Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by Al | [ Reply to This ]
      i disagree, i thought it had a very good flow, but the overall meaning of it i didnt like. unique? yes. exciting new idea or thought provoking? no.
    | Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]

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