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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wrestling With That Machinedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 53
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 817
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 342



    Description:
       I mean "wake me up" in the sense of "Coffee wakes me up."


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWrestling With That Machinedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You mow the lawn
    your form obscured
    by the Venetian blind,
    half open, half closed
    like my tired eyes.
    The black fringe
    over your dark eyes
    makes me want you
    to wake me up
    to sweat with me
    the way you do
    wrestling with that machine,
    and that tarp of zyosia.




    Submitted on 2004-11-13 13:57:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      THIS WAS NOT STAR_SEARCHER's COMMENT AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT's GOING ON ON THIS SITE.

    Re:

    This seems pretty sexy for me... and the gardner... gosh, nice to dream about such guy, but, well - it's just for a moment I guess. Your poem is very... sweaty (is that correct? just making up new words - goddamn my English), I mean, it emanates with this hot tension... a tension which is increasing. Nice one.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      This seems pretty sexy for me... and the gardner... gosh, nice to dream about such guy, but, well - it's just for a moment I guess. Your poem is very... sweaty (is that correct? just making up new words - goddamn my English), I mean, it emanates with this hot tension... a tension which is increasing. Nice one.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by Star_searcher | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I read the whole thing because it was short...AND I MUST SAY IT LEFT QUITE THE IMAGE IN MY MIND. The first line at least... It reminds me of this little Mexican guy named Miguel, always mowing lawns and washing cars and whatever...typical mexican stuff. VIVA MEXICO!
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by Smug_Doug | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is about you watching your love mow the lawn and get it perfectly mowed. And in his attempts to mow the lawn correctly you dreamed of him sweating and being perfect with you. :) Good piece. I've never heard of that type of grass before. ;)
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-11-13 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the comparison of the blinds to your eyes. that's unique! i would suggest you maybe say "stir me" instead of "wake me up" 'cause you're not really asleep. it's definitely got a sensual edge to it...
    | Posted on 2004-11-13 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      What a cool perspective you've found here. I'm always amazed at the inventive ways you're inspired. But I can relate, as anyone could. I like the change in scene
    "black lace over your eyes". This makes me sad for your longing too. I think and emote in chords here,
    longing, desire, and compassion. It works! Thanks for sharing. nan
    | Posted on 2004-11-13 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful in its own subtle way. All over it is a great write. I can see the effort put behind your words. It definately could use being split into stanzas as the beat would be easier to understand and read. I like how it does not rhyme and has no real rhythm. I like a lot of poems without rhythm and rhyme because the writer has to put forth more effort to make them sound good like you did here.
    | Posted on 2004-11-13 00:00:00 | by Crimsonpathways | [ Reply to This ]


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