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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Broken Familydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: darkness child
    ASL Info:    21/F/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 195/266/48
    Words: 205
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 994
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1372



    Description:
       just having some hard times in my life. i need some suggestions. maybe some better words to describe the pain and fear.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBroken Familydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Faking
    Telling lies
    Go to church
    Be a good child
    Live a charade
    Put up an act
    Don't let them see inside
    Your broken family

    A family shouldn't hate each other
    Shouldn't have to cry for your sisters
    Shouldn't have to be afraid of your father
    Shouldn't need to bleed for them to love you

    You shouldn't but you do
    And no one sees through the lie
    They don't see the bruises
    Or the cuts
    Or the emotions that run rampant
    The fear and dread that I feel
    Hatred for coming home from school

    I'm tired of my broken family!
    Where is the happiness?
    My father hits me
    My mother ignores me
    My sisters hate me
    And I can't take it anymore!

    I'll bleed one last time
    Can I make them love me?
    When they find me dead
    With a note that says-
    "You should have cared
    You shouldn't have hurt me
    And tell me I was nothing
    Tell me that you hate me
    Why did you do those things?"

    I wont pretend nothings wrong anymore
    I'll show the world what I go through
    If they won't listen to my voice
    Maybe they'll listen to my death




    Submitted on 2004-11-13 21:30:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      honey this is so sad...

    Faking
    Telling lies
    Go to church
    Be a good child
    Live a charade
    Put up an act
    Don't let them see inside
    Your broken family

    sadly this stanza is the truth for SO many christian families... you know how it goes (obviously)... mum and dad yelling at the kids and lil brother kicking a fuss coz he wants to go outside and play and gets dirty and older sista dont wanna go to church no more... world war III on sunday morning but when we get to church... smiles on... off we go... hallelujah praise the lord the perfect family we are!
    i really think you should explore that idea a lil more... its got heaps of potential...

    the rest of your poem breaks my heart,... i know stuff is hard for you but wanting to die just to make ppl feel guilty aint the way to go... whats it gonna prove? coz like... if your trying to make them guilty by dying then you cant milk them for anything... ya know?
    you got some awesome writing skills honey... please dont waste them on being all angry and dying stuff...
    take care of you and you know where i am if ya need me... byes for now
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I can relate. My parents have been seperated for years, but whenever they or someone else in my family fights I'm always caught in the middle. The following bands help me:

    Evanescence
    Linkin Park

    I wont pretend nothings wrong anymore
    I'll show the world what I go through
    If they won't listen to my voice
    Maybe they'll listen to my death

    This part is so sad, but so true in so many cases. Suicide isn't the answer though. If you can't get them to leave you alone just...escape. Or something.

    Faking
    Telling lies
    Go to church
    Be a good child
    Live a charade
    Put up an act

    This part especially reminds me of one of my really good friends. Exactly. At first I thought you were channeling her. I look forward to reading more of your work.
    | Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by Maki Kyomada | [ Reply to This ]
      i know what you're going through and if you hang in there you'll be fine, i promise. but speed the process along and learn how to be a strong person. read a lot and watch the following movies:

    American Beauty
    Girl, Interrupted
    Romeo and Juliet
    Requiem for a Dream
    White Oleander
    The Breakfast Club
    Pleasantville
    Frida

    and remember to talk to lots of people who have been through what you have been though but are older, because they will give you lots of good advice. good luck.
    | Posted on 2004-11-13 00:00:00 | by aliciaflower04 | [ Reply to This ]
      Faking
    Telling lies
    Go to church
    Be a good child
    Live a charade
    Put up an act
    Don't let them see inside
    Your broken family

    Ok I definately see what you're saying right there. Put on your happy face, dear, we're going out in public.

    A family shouldn't hate each other
    Shouldn't have to cry for your sisters
    Shouldn't have to be afraid of your father
    Shouldn't need to bleed for them to love you

    You're absolutely right. Which is why you put on your happy face and act like everything is ok, right? Can't unveil the truth or who knows what'll happen behind closed doors.

    Ok this is the last one i'll paste because it troubles me:
    I'll bleed one last time
    Can I make them love me?
    When they find me dead
    With a note that says-
    "You should have cared
    You shouldn't have hurt me
    And tell me I was nothing
    Tell me that you hate me
    Why did you do those things?"

    That's not the answer, DC; not by a long shot. These problems should be taken care of long before they ever reach that ultimate conclusion. You need to talk to someone. You say you're afraid of going home from school because of the household you face.

    Well schools have guidance counselers. Start keeping a journal. Share your journal with teachers, or adults that you can trust. Tell them that you aren't trying to get attention. If you have a scar, show them. Don't be ashamed. Don't hide it. And here's the big one, do not be afraid of embarassing of your family by exposing what they do to you.

    I've seen this happen before. I've had friends that refused to tell people what was happening because they didn't want their parents to get in trouble. F that. Your parents need help just as badly as you do.

    Your whole family needs to be just that: a family. Family's do not turn on eachother; they work as teams. Find help, DC.

    Don't just vent through poems. Don't vent through anger or diary's that no one can read. Don't hide your scars.

    Let your scars tell your story. You're 15 years old and you don't want to be thinking about this when you're 30. Get it out of your mind now, before it eats at you for 5 more years.

    Just my advice.

    As far as the poem goes, I don't think you really need any help with it.

    Best of luck.

    Rob
    | Posted on 2004-11-13 00:00:00 | by Me Rambling | [ Reply to This ]
      I can really relate to what youve written... i felt the same growing up in a similar kind of family.. but it will get better.. hang in there and use the people that are there for you to talk to... and keep writing.. Good write..
    | Posted on 2004-11-13 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      At 15 you have a world of talent. I have a son your age yet I still remember those feelings. You need to understand that everybody has these feelings. Every family is [censored]ed up in one way or another. You are above that. You have a gift. You can communicate your feelings. Many (most) can't. This hate is great in your poetry, just try not to let it consume your life. Things do get better. Trust me. I contemplated suicide so many times from 15 to 20. Had I done it I never would have had the joy of seeing my sons first steps or my daughters first smile or the gift of reading your work.
    | Posted on 2004-11-13 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      I cannot fault the poetry. I will however quote one of Scott Fitzgerald's friends who said that "Living well is the best revenge." Get help to remove yourself from physical and spiritual harm, and then live well to have your revenge. You have talent, do not waste it in hate.
    | Posted on 2004-11-13 00:00:00 | by greensnake | [ Reply to This ]


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