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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Rain Falls Hard These Daysdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: deadndreaming
    Elite Ratio:    6.75 - 1360/1263/81
    Words: 267
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1239
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1615



    Description:
       I wrote this some time ago when a friend of mine was going through a particularly tough phase. It was nothing devastating, just seemed to be a dark cloud following her around. I guess I was trying to capture that feeling here...not so much dread and fear but just that understanding we all come to from time to time that things are not sunny and aren't likely to be for some time to come. You can either let it consume you and eat you alive or work through it, understanding everyday will bring pain for a while, but that eventually it will get better.


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    dotsThe Rain Falls Hard These Daysdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The rain falls hard these days
    From a melancholy November sky
    The black clouds have been hanging overhead for so long
    They were bound to bring rain sooner or later
    And now it's coming down so hard it bounces off the sullen earth

    The winds are kicking hard as a mule
    The gusts are blowing the cool air out
    Merciless cold air follows behind it like a hound chasing a rabbit
    The rain still falls, though its force is diminishing somewhat
    The temperature is dropping like a stone off the crag of a mountain

    Shelter is a funny thing in that it only seems to come from within
    To find it requires a total contempt for the conditions without

    The air is so heavy with rigor now the trees are quivering
    The rain left the clouds in liquid form, but quickly turns to ice
    Some drops escape and dive between the sleet
    But only for the fall, as any contact brings about instant freezing
    And everything outside is covered with the glaze of the dispassionate sky

    And shelter is a funny thing in that if it’s not reached early
    The conditions outside will penetrate within

    Ice is tapping on ice, keeping a somber beat
    The occasional hard breeze serves as the only reminder of the great winds
    The cold sits quietly in the still Novembers night air
    And the forecast calls for clouds (though it should be too cold for rain)
    And the sun might be hibernating for the winter
    (Any thaw may have to wait for the spring)




    Submitted on 2004-11-13 23:15:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is the last one. I mean, I believe I've reviewed ALL of your poems you have posted. This is the LAST of the MOHICANS, my brother. I haven't read it yet. There's a kind of dread in me. Like the last cookie sitting there in the jar, all alone, calling my name. I want to savor it, admire it. But I'm horrified at the thought of eating it!

    Fukkit!

    CHOMP!

    A prosaic, if tasty little treat. Of course it has to be a nature poem . . . but you've rendered it beautifully. It was just the sort of thing to finish off this crazy binge I've been on tonight!

    And with that . . . I sign off for now. I've read them all, my brother. There are no more surprises . . . until you write the next one.

    And I'm so looking forward to it, I'm salivating!
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like "Merciless cold air follows behind it like a hound chasing a rabbit" and "The temperature is dropping like a stone off the crag of a mountain." Those are both good similies. They sound like something out of an old Woody Guthrie song. It reminds me a bit of Dylan's "Shelter from the Storm."
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello, I liked your poem...It was hard to concentrate on it, but when i finally did i liked it.i like the imagery in it, and my favorite line was black clouds have been hanging overhead so long...anyway i like it.
    camoflage
    | Posted on 2005-01-01 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]
      great job. You've done quite a wonder with simile here. The theme is good, and the flow isn't bad either. The true beauty of the poem lies in its imagery. The numerous similes and comparisons to the autumn weather are excellent. Not only were they creative but they fit well without going over board. If you were to change anything, I'd say add a few metaphors as well, just for good measure, otherwise this is excellent.
    -drizzt
    | Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by Drizzt | [ Reply to This ]
      Wonderful tone!! I love the words so deep and just wonderful. The Flow was kept as Maki Kyomada said and just had a wonderful feel to it. I could see the rain and the ice i could feel the lonliness of it all. NIcely put. one of the better poems i have read today.

    "The ice is tapping on ice now, keeping a somber beat
    The occasional light gust serves as the only reminder of the great winds
    The cold sits quietly in the still Novembers night air
    And the forecast calls for clouds (though it should be too cold for rain)
    And the sun may be hibernating for the winter
    (Any thaw may have to wait for the spring)"

    i loved that so much. its just full of every sense and reading it give me a shiver down my spine.

    please keep on writing!
    | Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by Maki | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a great piece of writing. It gives a good feeling and, as phil askew said, gives the feeling of autumn. It has a certain tone to it, one that many writers often lose in the flow of the piece. Good job.
    | Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by Maki Kyomada | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. It sets the tone, just as you described, and gives some wonderful images of the inclement autumn/fall weather. Underneath is the sadness experienced by your friend. My only critique is with the word "now". I think you could lose it completely or reduce it's usage and add power to your poem. A very descriptive write, that takes us to the fall season and leaves us yearning for spring.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2004-11-13 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      I found the rain as being a bad thing cliché' a bit. I love rain; anything in moderation. I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in if I could follow that simple wisdom. Disregaurding that though it's not a bad poem. I liked your use of rhyme throughout. Mule- cool out-hound ...so many more. Anyway I think the rhyming in this piece was one of the strongest points. There were a few lines I really liked "Shelter is a funny thing in that it only seems to come from within" and "Ice is tapping on ice, keeping a somber bea"t & "Some drops escape and dive between the sleet" Your descriptive words are good, but I dislike similies, i rarely use them as a result. That's just a personal preference of mine. peace
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]


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