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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Grace of the Dawndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Crimsonpathways
    Elite Ratio:    5.9 - 196/224/56
    Words: 241
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 271
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1407



    Description:
       So this may be a change from normally in your eyes, but the feelings behind this were all the same as in my past poems. For unless you lived my exact life it would be impossible for you to understand what I go through and am going through. No one knows, not even my closest of friends. I just want someone to try and live my life, try and see if they would even last an hour in the chaos of my world. I am not sure anyone could. Not that it matters, just see if you like the poem okay?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGrace of the Dawndots
    -------------------------------------------


    Angel of disgrace, attire of red,
    May you die to gain the power of dread,
    Fall onto the ground, no longer tread,
    Peace be with you, yet leave it unsaid.

    You lied to me not once but twice,
    Take your punishment; this is your price,
    Let us leave you here, for the rats and mice,
    Prepare for the night, I make myself precise.

    The passion of light bestows you a lie,
    Make yourself clear; all will see you die,
    Do not hide those tears; we want you to cry,
    Under us is your fate; this you can rely.

    If there was a way for you to be free,
    It would have been found, before we could see,
    Though all hope is lost; lost for thee,
    No longer will I be held, no longer for your glee.

    My pain still bores on, even as you do not cause,
    Why will I stay beneath all the city laws,
    Nothing such as this has struck me to pause,
    Something is wrong, on the paper it draws.

    Come forth and explain, show me the way,
    I need to escape from the frowning of day,
    Forever be gone, be free, speak your say,
    Never forget, the kindness I can lay.

    If only I could have seen such a light,
    Before every mistake had be trite,
    Those feelings already here to despite,
    Not to be taken back, not one near right.




    Submitted on 2004-11-13 23:44:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I see you cursing a devil (vampire?), somthing that will suffer by the light of dawn. It's as if you were being attacked by this devil and the light is helping you to turn the tables on it.
    I like the style and the fact that it rhymes. However the meaning is a bit difficult to interpret, some of the rhymes seem forced (this is always the most difficult thing to conquer when writing in rhyme), but there are terrific images, "the ground no longer tread", "the frowning of the day". There is a great deal of emotion in this piece and that is a good thing. If the meaning were clear and the wording not forced it would be beautiful. Keep at it and good luck .

    Phil
    | Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      i thought it was quite lovely and i wish i could have written like that when i was 14. remember thought that a poem that doesn't rhyme sounds much better than one that does and sounds forced. some of your rhymes seemed as if they didn't quite fit, but all in all, nice write.
    | Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by bite my lip | [ Reply to This ]
      Good poem until the last stanza. You seemed to be grasping for words there, nothing really made sense. But I really enjoyed the rest, it said so much. And I liked the rhyme scheme too, it's not done too often here, so it's a breath of fresh unordinary air. I just think maybe you should just cut out the last stanza and find a way to end it. Actually, the last stanza and the line right before it; to me they just cause alot of questions in my mind. Good work otherwise
    | Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]



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