Red and Silver by magickandie

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Submission Name: Red and Silver dots

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Author:	magickandie
Elite Ratio:	4.34 - 190/168/37
Words:	107

Class/Type:	Poetry/Cutting or Mutilation
Total Views:	391
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	738

Description:
I was just sitting there stewing in my head and this is the result.

Red and Silver dots

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With anger so hot,
Come visions of red.
Silver feels so cool,
Against her fevered skin.

The sight of the blade,
Begets a sigh and a smile.
Relief at long last,
No more of this denial.

Anticipation courses through her veins,
Flushing her cheeks,
Pumping her heart faster.
All the while knowing,
She's speeding toward disaster.

Dragging the blade along her arm,
Raising scarlet drops,
To be the evidence of her harm.

As the silver slashes her skin,
She wears a wicked grin.
Now that the damage is done,
She curls up on her bed.
Able to sleep soundly once again.

Submitted on 2004-11-14 00:32:58 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  aww scooby doo! i love scoob! dude he is the bomg digity!lol! i like this bc thats how i use to feel...i would wake up in the dea of night just to look at my arms and stare at a knife and when i just evn scratched my a tiny bit i was able to go back to bed, but then my "cravings" bcame more...well larger and i had to do it harder and longer...well this hit me just right its awesom captured everything just right bravo!

Rhaine!
| Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by Rhaine | [ Reply to This ]
  oh wow, cutter issues. a slightly bit emo-ish. but i enjoyed that. just the other night i was reading a poem by my friend who wrote about her experience as a cutter and i was one at one point in time. the message is clear cut, and i enjoyed that. sometimes, for me, reading into poetry too much gives me a headache. =p lol, but i enojyed this.
i loved the darkness of it. at first, i thought "werewolf" because thats one of the ways to kill a werewolf, with silver. so yeah, that was conufsing for me. but i realize as i got to the second stanza...not werewolf...ok, random moment
i also agree with the whole jumping of four lines to the three and five ditty at the end. it ruined my flow at the moment (but then again, all day, i've been off balance...lol). but the vocabulary and the rhyming were pretty good.
cant wait to read more
~!~luvs, catie
| Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by Catie O Daniels | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a very well written poem, I liked the rhyme scheme. I liked how you didn't keep the same rhyme schem thoughout, but instead you changed it up here and there. Also, I thought you did a good job with the difficult subject matter. I enjoyed this write. Good job.
| Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by TheHUGE | [ Reply to This ]
  meh. Just another "oh god pity me as i cut myself" poem. The vocab and flow were better than most, but it still comes off as a pathetic subject used most often by those who have never experienced it firsthand. Let me tell you. I am a massaquist (sp?) and even I could not withstand the act. There is something about it that makes it uncomfortable for even the most tolerant of people. In suicide we find release from the torture but it is no easy road. Slitting one's wrists is possibly the most painful and slow conventional method of suicide (although my ex says ODing is harder when they save you) Its useless to try and describe these things however, because only those who have been there and done that can even begin to relate, and of those that have, they at least are wisened enough to cast it in a less flamboyant light.
-drizzt
| Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by Drizzt | [ Reply to This ]
  this poem was wonderful except the third stanza. it has five lines instead of four like the rest. it kinda throws the next stanza off. other thatn that i like everything about it.
| Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by darkness child | [ Reply to This ]
  Very powerful and descriptive. Normally, i hate poetry on this subject. But you expressed the image so well and with such clarity that i couldn't help but admire your writing. Good stuff. Thanx for your words.
-Jimma-
| Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by Jimma | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow... nice.

vocabulary is wonderful it wasn't some sixth grade gramar and the imagry blew me away. Also its like i am there watching (you) or the person doing it. awesome stuff. Keep it up please dont drop the skill ya got.
| Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by Maki | [ Reply to This ]

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