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    dots Submission Name: Smiledots

    Author: hollowshell
    Elite Ratio:    2.85 - 39/40/14
    Words: 284
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1230
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1802

       The poem is whatever u make it, comments would be appreciated greatly...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Look up at the stars,
    a picturesque sight.
    Your beauty reflected in the sky.
    This night is so perfect,
    lets live in this moment for an eternity.
    Lets both stay here forever,
    our love an immortal flame mirrored in the stars.
    The true potential of love is unthinkable.

    Look up at the stars,
    don't fight it.
    I know we have had our problems but they mean nothing now.
    Our issues were only paper-thin.
    Why do you frown so?
    Smile, soon we shall be one forever, complete.
    Why do you still frown, you used to respond to my touch.
    My hand placed so lovingly around your throat.

    Look up at the stars,
    Our love is too delicate for this world,
    help me preserve it.
    Potential threats drift away.
    Why do you look so afraid?
    Please smile,
    I am saving our love today.

    Look up at the stars,
    that tear, a symbol of your happiness?
    I knew you would yield,
    but why do u still yelp?
    Just relax, let the tear fall,
    just a few more seconds and you will be whole.
    Please, just smile.

    Look up at the stars,
    be thankful.
    I knew you would stop fussing,
    your arms fall so gracefully to the ground.
    Your wide eyes gape at the stars,
    your body so wonderfully still.
    Dont you feel better now knowing our love is forever?

    Look up at the stars,
    your last sight.
    I knew that we could make this night special.
    Look, you have mud in your hair,
    let me brush it out for you,
    You were always good at cheering me up.
    Still you dont smile?

    Look up at the stars,
    and I smile.

    Submitted on 2004-11-14 22:56:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Why do you frown?

    oh I love it!
    | Posted on 2010-03-01 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      well now. A bit deranged dont u think. But that just makes it all the better. Look up at the stars, that sounds so heart warming, as if you were having the most enjoyable time of your life(i suppose he was) but then there is him choking her to death. And he feels so excited and questions why she isnt. I love it. The imagery, the way it comes out. Great work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by Di Re Rakord | [ Reply to This ]
      this one is great your fragments of referred to the stars as if someone was starving and strangling the person your loving
    I don't know if that was your point but thats the way it came across
    | Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that you have posted a rather confusing write, it does sound like you are doing things to this person against their will. However, I like the way you repeated 'look up to the stars' throughout this is piece and then used it in the last stanza.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a bad-ass poem! I loved everything about it. That is the point of view I have been searching for for 5 years! I think you should write much more! Loved it!
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Holy Wood | [ Reply to This ]

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