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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sapphire Bluedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jester_Gesture
    ASL Info:    23/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 365/459/201
    Words: 162
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 764
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 976



    Description:
       "You" is my brother Chris. The subject is old, and the hurts long healed, but I still remember what it felt like every morning when I get into the car.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSapphire Bluedots
    -------------------------------------------


    One four year old Saturn,
    Sapphire blue with the glints of
    A family’s broken heart.
    I used to sit in it and talk with you,
    Nodding my head to David Gray,
    Breathing in your cologne,
    Telling you about my day and you said,
    “Do you know anything about love?”
    Now it sits in the garage and
    Dies with longing for your
    Scent and rising volume.
    Now I sit in it and talk with dad,
    We shout about politics and agree,
    That something’s about to go down.
    I stare at the remnants of your stickers,
    The juice sticking in the cup holders,
    The glitter that remains on the carpet.
    Now you can’t drive at all and
    I just wish you would drive me home again
    With my feet on the dash and
    Your hat on my head even though
    It hurts to breathe in too much because
    I’ll turn sapphire blue with the glints of
    A family’s broken heart.




    Submitted on 2004-11-14 23:47:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i'm glad i ran into this one again because my computer crashed before i could comment and i have a short attention span so ... i swear it's not ADD.

    i think this works for me because it's not like all the others i've seen flood this site for the past few days. to me you hint at tragedy beyond words and beyond the obvious of what a hole losing a loved one leaves in the soul and to me it makes it more poignant and precious, to hold onto what you still have. you shared details, which a lot of people leave out to make it an Everyperson piece, and i'm glad you didn't. the beauty is in the details, the relationships that you have with your brother and your dad and what's going on in what you don't share. really excellent piece. thank you for sharing. =]

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      Losing family, in any way, is hard. The way you write about it proves that it is a wound that's healed, if not forgotten. I enjoyed it, and I enjoy the characteristic descriptiveness of your writings. It's what draws me in. Little things, like the juice in the cupholder. Those images portray your emotions better than just saying how you feel. Very nice.
    | Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by reid kat | [ Reply to This ]
      very interesting piece and very touching. however, the flow doesn't seem to be constant throughout the poem. other than that, i thought you did a really good job with this...
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by aliciaflower04 | [ Reply to This ]
      this was touching. it's nice to express these emotions it helps get it out. although i don't think anything stops the hurt. this is a great write**
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really sad, and I like it. Why did you capitalize sapphire in the last line? I won't ask the specifics of this. It's nicer to have to fill in the gaps.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a very mature piece and evocative of emotion.
    and it gave me a little shiver to read feeling your loss, and that is what it is all about, poetry and reading, i mean.
    'Dies with longing for your
    Scent and rising volume.
    Now I sit in it and talk with dad,
    We shout about politics and agree,
    That something’s about to go down.'
    it is my opinion that these lines are not as strong as the others in the piece, they feel just a little lost and clutching at air, but this is just my opinion and not a reason to change.
    what you do so well here is make normal events in life, things that we do not think about until they are gone, sound poetic. you evoke a sense of longing and loss without over-doing any words or wrenching with over used cliché analogies.
    perhaps the punctuation could be a little more tuned to your message, and not just capitals at the start of each line?
    this is tender and delicate and i really did enjoy reading it,
    take care
    www.on1eday.co.uk
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      That was truely beautiful. I'm sorry for what happend even though you said you're long over the hurt.

    I've had moments of nostalgia like this before as well, but I won't mention them here because this is about your writing, not mine.

    Excellent write. I normally have something to say about everything I read but this one is pretty much perfect.

    With my feet on the dash and
    Your hat on my head even though
    It hurts to breathe in too much because
    I’ll turn Sapphire blue with the glints of
    A family’s broken heart.

    Awesome, awesome, awesome.

    Once again, I'm very sorry, but it inspired such a good piece of work.

    Take care.
    Rob
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Me Rambling | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this was so touching. You did a great job with this. I like the way you described different things about his car, and especially the good times that you remember. I love the last few lines, how it repeats the first few but it fits. I'm not sure what happened to your brother, but I'm really sorry about it and hope that you'll eventually be ok. Great job on this poem, always live on with the memories
    | Posted on 2004-11-14 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]


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    32615

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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