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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Destructiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Belle De Jour
    ASL Info:    24/Female/Inside
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 335/367/53
    Words: 26
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 817
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 191



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDestructiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    acid rain pours down
    consumes my flesh
    burning while red tears
    begin forming in my eyes

    release this
    grasping pain

    evaporate my love




    Submitted on 2004-11-15 02:51:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very clever usage of the word 'acid'... consuming the flesh and turning the tears red... very powerful images. I can almost see the effect of the acid rain freeing the caged love and evaporating it into a thin layer of mist... setting it free. Great write.
    | Posted on 2004-12-13 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      When I read this, animation flashed before my eyes. I saw a girl standing in a meadow wasteland that stretched on forever. As a drizzle of acid rain begins to fall she screams a silent cry and falls to her knees. Tears well up in her eyes from the pain of disintegration. I am pretty sure this poem was not written as a literal work and there is most definatly some underlying symbolism. But the animation, pink floydish (circa: the wall) in nature dominates my thoughts while trying to percieve the meaning. Perhaps it is my ape like brain trying to percieve something that soars over my head.

    I really enjoyed the imagery portrayed in this short piece of writing. Thank you for sharing it.
    I was wondering when you were going to write something on here again.

    your friend,
    M. Fizzle
    | Posted on 2004-11-26 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good. I'm not sure about the acid rain though. However, I like the idea of tears of fire, so I suppose that it works. I like the last line. I've been using the word "evaporate" a lot lately.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Somehow you have managed to convey some extremely powerful imagery and very emotive descriptions, creating a deep and heart-felt impact in the space of 26 words. WOW. Somehow i thought this piece was going to be too short at first glace and would be lacking any definite sense of satisfaction upon reading, but in this piece, i feel the economy of words just complements the stark nature of the image you're presenting. Good stuff. Thanx for your words.
    -Jimma-
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Jimma | [ Reply to This ]
      Powerful stuff. It made me skinless. Nothing at all constructive to say- just know that I am a fan and I wish you to keep up the high-quality work. Take care, ~#6-
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      i feel that this is an interesting place to start.
    you have managed some analogies in this short piece and will more than likely catch the attention of most of the readers.
    however i feel a little disappointed that you did not continue. perhaps you have your last line for your piece, but you are missing some content in the middle.
    i dont know. its difficult to know when to start and when to stop, especially with work of a minimalist nature, and i always get the impression that many short pieces are flying thoughts as opposed to constructed poetry.
    and that is not to say that they have no merit, just that it is what it is.
    this feels a little gothic in nature, but i do like the last line there and see great potential for the piece should you wish to elaborate.
    take care
    www.on1eday.co.uk
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      deep, dark, short, sweet and a little scarey, i loved it. you create a realy cool image of some girl stood out in the rain melting. and i thought the red tears was a nice touch. it adds the distruction of this person. 'evaporate my love' was a great final line. this little poem is perfect. great work.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by nameless_nobody | [ Reply to This ]
      Crap on a stick...I'm practicaly speechless(except if I don't put something the comment doesn't work!) Ok so truthfully it's good and I have nothing more to add.
    -AC
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by StarAcabar | [ Reply to This ]
      Crap on a stick...I'm practicaly speechless(except if I don't put something the comment doesn't work!) Ok so truthfully it's good and I have nothing more to add.
    -AC
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by StarAcabar | [ Reply to This ]
      nice poem short & to the point i like it!

    has a dark side to it and very deep!

    all in one small poem keep it up! Peace!
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Cordell | [ Reply to This ]
      acid rain pours down
    consumes my flesh
    burning while red tears
    begin forming in my eyes

    release this
    grasping pain

    evaporate my love


    Beautiful choice of words there. But please allow me to say something: I truely hope red tears do not form in your eyes, because if that's a picture of you at the top of the screen, you have some of the most beautiful eye(s) I've ever seen. It was be a shame to ever see sad tears in them.

    That aside, once again I loved your poem. Like words_can_heal said, I want more. Write more, now! :)

    Good piece.

    Rob
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Me Rambling | [ Reply to This ]
      ok. THis piece is interesting. At first glance I automatically think it's too short, but then when I finish it I am strangley satisfied. Then when I re-read it, I want more. I need more. '

    release this
    grasping pain

    evaporate my love.

    That ending is my favourite part of it. The choice of words actually have me feeling that pain. I can't help it. I Think its the use of the word 'grasping' that has me enthralled in your story, and making me want to know more. Its human nature i suppose.

    Might I Say the title is also quite clever. Destruction is a word that has been a bit over used with the terror attacks and stuff. Thank you for bringing it back down to a comprehendable level.

    Lovely Effort.
    Tara XO
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by words_can_heal | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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