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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Holding Handsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dannyshyboy
    ASL Info:    29/m/fl
    Elite Ratio:    5.43 - 152/93/26
    Words: 177
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 1405
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1288



    Description:
        Just curious to see what ppl think of it- its kinda a controversial (i can't spell sorry lol) and slightly vulgar poem so don't be surprised! I love to write controversial stuff, and i also apologize if it is in the first person format- i tend to write all my poems in first person. : )


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHolding Handsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Through the bloody web
    We found devotion, in a flowerbed
    Of monogomy
    Society wants to behead
    Our unity
    Restrain us away from one another
    The tears continue forever
    So we can't be together
    I'm sorry- maybe some day, eventually....

    On my knees, I plea
    I ask God for sympathy
    Please have faith in me
    Spiritually- God's in my heart
    Sexually- can't understand that part
    I've grown so weak
    Because my mother, she doesn't accept me
    My father, he doesn't believe
    And God, I want you to be proud of me
    So my relationship can't go on publicly
    Or privately- basically we're done
    Thanks to everyone
    They don't understand we never fucked
    Because of our morals
    We've tried to make love- be in love
    But even then, we're charectorized as unnatural
    There's no closure to the pain
    Reliving imposibility again
    The monsters biting my frailty
    Beaten to shit, failing
    But one day, either in mind, body or soul
    I'll be your husband
    And you my man
    And in the end, somehow, we'll be holding hands.




    Submitted on 2004-11-15 11:49:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem here is a bit sad, but it is the description of lists of hardships that homosexuals live with is all inside of this writing. It's defiantly a tough life for many of them you know. It's sad that a lot of people give them the hardest times through this failing society that we live inside of, and it's even more difficult for some who's fathers and mothers don't support that instinct. And then comes the politics, the religion, the brutality of verbs and fists, and sometimes neglect.

    It hurts, it's part of life though.

    I think that people should marry who they want,

    What is it to us to decide who marries who?

    Who are we to tell others who we should love? Right?
    | Posted on 2009-06-19 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is quite complex, as its stanza length and verse grouping seems erratic, yet the poem has a distinctive and formulaic rhythm and rhyme. I think this juxtaposition ties in well with the subject matter- how confusing is it to be "different" from everyone else? what really is it to have a sexuality or spirituality?

    I really liked it, keep up the poetry and the walk with God. Remember, "For he so loved the world" (that's you, no matter who you are)
    | Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by Thundercat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is right on the button how I feel. I am glad I got to read this. I am gay guy, 22, trying to understand what it is that makes me so different. I am "normal"...aren't I? I do stuff just like "everyone" else. I have a sexual preference for other guys. What's the big deal!?
    | Posted on 2004-12-17 00:00:00 | by closebutremote | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this piece alot.

    it basicly needs no revising, the flow is amazing, i love the cruedness of it all, the underlaying meanings. the thoughts to god. perfect, really great job.

    *wendy lee
    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by girlunderglass | [ Reply to This ]
      First off never apologize for your writing style, it is yours so embrace it! Second, this poem is an absolute thing of beauty and sad truth. I have a few gay friends and the world is very cruel to them at times. Why must we live in a society where people are afraid of a little difference. Your faith will never go away and God will not stop loving you. Dont ever let people throw faith and religion at you to make you feel guilty for being exactly who you were created by God to be. "If God wanted us all to be the same then why did he make us so different from eachother." -Saved
    Keep your chin up and dont let anyone tell you that being the person you are is wrong and against God. You just be strong and never fall to their hatred.
    *Amanda*
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by fortressofwords | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this and I can understand the diffrences that can make poeple not want to accept you for who you ae but the beauty of your person shine through every word that is visible for all to see, you are talented, and you deserve all the respect.
    | Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by Forgiven | [ Reply to This ]
      Well you swept me off my feet and hit me with a frying pan. This piece twisted and turned into something I was not expecting at all and I enjoyed the sruprise!!

    "Because my mother, she doesn't accept me
    My father, he doesn't believe
    And God, I want you to be proud of me"

    My favorite part. What you have written here is a great piece, and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I cant believe how close-minded some people can be and how open minded you are. I condemn you for your bravery, kudos to you my friend!

    AS for the piece and format itself, I thought you choice for rhyme scheme made the piece a challenge to read at times. Rhyming can be a hassle and a great expression at the same time, but I really dont think you even needed a rhyem or reason for this piece. Free style would've worked perfectly.

    But either way its your piece. Great write, and way to be bold!

    --Kayla
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this was very deep. while i understand the feelings of defeat and sadness you're going through in here, i also hope that the story doesn't end there. don't give up my friend. no one has to understand your love for it to thrive. society will catch up to you.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by soadman | [ Reply to This ]
      The fact that you've spilled this out here is a testament to your bravery. This is a subject that is dear to me. In our state, amoungst many, this past election also included an amendment to our state constitustion banning gay marraige. I thought it to be shocking, not only that it passed, but by such a wide margin. It's our nations last acceptable prejudice and it troubles me greatly. Whether you are gay yourself or just trying to write something from a gay point of view for controversies sake is irrelevant. It's still bold and important. Considering the weight of it, its all the more important you take the time to correct errors and make this as easy a read as you can. The content alone makes it powerful. This is not enough. Please make this a work in progress. Revisit it often and find the hitches and correct them. You owe it to the piece and those that find it significant.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      aww...well i found that poem to be very sweetly sad...i can understand where you come from, and from the middle i was wondering if this did deal with a gay relationship, so im glad that you made that clear cuz if it wasnt it would be weird saying that it was....anyway after i read it again i wanted to cry...its so sad and the way that you put it into words is amazing. Im definetly going to read alot more of your stuff..and screw society for making people that are different pointed out and called different.....i really hope that those around you will start to support your decision more..keep up with the great writes.
    ~deadburningflame~
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by eternaldarkness | [ Reply to This ]
      you've either made some serious mistakes with this poem or you have one very strange poem on your hands.the 2nd and 3rd last lines indicate that you may be talking about a gay relationship.i really don't know what to make about this one.good luck and fare well.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by sickly | [ Reply to This ]
      hey
    i loved this piece.
    i have a similar piece in which i speak out against unacceptance in our society. although, it wasnt as beautiful as this. it was like a rant, neways... this is a great write (im sure u must get soo tired of all these compliments :p )
    u say its vulgar but its not all ! its absolutely wonderful (minus the swearing but thts understandable :p )the ending nearly made me bring out the tissues. it was so touching. :'(
    i dnt understand why people hate each other becuz of petty differences! its strange becuz all this hate is kind of hidden in places and ppl think "oh it doesnt happen" but it does. its still there. but i think the world will get better as futur generations come. but in the mean time, dnt stop fighting!

    great write
    love anoutia
    ~*~xXx~*~
    thnx again for ur comment on my wrk aswell.
    ~xXx~
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by Clementina oso | [ Reply to This ]
      This is what I feel about your poem; beautiful. I feel that the wolrd will be a better place when we all just realize that we are all just people. We have our own ways and we cannot help who we are. It doesn't matter if you are gay, bi or stiaght. Now I normally wont say my way of thinking is the right way because I do not believe in that BUT i feel this time it is. I love this poem so much, it has so much feeling in it and is just so powerful. Now you told me to show this to the person that told me bad things about gay marriage, I think I will. (I leave him notes and this will be in the next one)
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by Cigarette Smoke | [ Reply to This ]


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