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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Holding Close My Dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JimweiZERO
    Elite Ratio:    5.38 - 1500/844/80
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1533
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1470



    Description:
       Yet another fantasy write that is reality to some people, but lonely people like me have no option but to dream...even if a little/a lot chiche.

    Any thoughts, comments, critisism would be appreciated, and for those for whom this is true, God bless you all...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHolding Close My Dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's just you and me together
    As we watch the moon go down,
    There's something special in starlight
    As the dawning air surrounds,
    But moments lost in silence
    Will remain into the day
    And I know I wouldn't want it
    To be any other way.

    Me and you may be apart
    But the memory will remain,
    Our tears will mark our loneliness
    As they are lost within the rain,
    We'll hear each other's voices
    And long for touch once more
    Like the love across the ocean
    That's waiting to come ashore.

    We've been together for so long
    But your smile still makes my day,
    And I always become speechless
    When I've got something to say,
    The look in your eyes will stop me
    Because they always say something new,
    And that's just one in a million reasons
    Why I've fallen in love with you.

    Although this may be simple
    It's a lot more than it seems,
    I try to touch reality
    But can only find my dreams.

    This isn't just some wording
    But I cannot make it be,
    Whenever reality throws me away
    I'm picked up by my dreams.

    Some people may say "move on"
    But really they can't see,
    That I'm reaching for reality
    While holding close my dreams...




    Submitted on 2004-11-15 14:34:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this poem it is very real to me. Feelings stay alive within your dreams. It all works for me in this poem I realy don have any suggestions other than do it again.

    ~~Donna~~
    | Posted on 2007-08-17 00:00:00 | by PrettyHeart | [ Reply to This ]
      a very good write
    the only thing i would say to be constructive is it kinda repeated itself near the end
    it has a good messeage
    know that dreams are just that a visual into reality

    Take Care
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is awesome! Such a beautifully written poem and so full of emotions and feeling! I think I am becoming addicted to your writings as every one I read I enjoy more and more and I love the way you express yourself in your writings! I really enjoy poems about dreams especially when they are this well written! I love to dream! A wonderful reality break! I can't stress enough how beautiful this is 'cept to add it to my faves! Awesome write! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Jimmmm, stop it, what power you have to captivate! To hold ones interested soul in the palm of your hands. You have us at eye level and we know exactly what youve gone through. You make nonexistence come into play. I missed reading your pieces and now that Im back, everyday I look forward to your indesribable tellings
    -Lolavie
    | Posted on 2005-04-15 00:00:00 | by lolavie | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems a lot of people really like this poem, and I can see why now. I can relate a lot to this still to this day, actually. I really like the format of the wording and how the last 3 stanzas all had a "reality vs dream" theme to them.

    "And I always become speechless
    When I've got something to say,"
    Funny how that never seems to go away no matter how long you've been with someone you love dearly. Great way to express it simply using an average vocabulary.

    "But moments lost in silence
    Will remain into the day
    And I know I wouldn't want it
    To be any other way."
    Really like this part too, it's captured the essence of timelessness very well. What a great starter.

    "Some people may say "move on"
    But really they can't see,
    That I'm reaching for reality
    While holding close my dreams..."
    This seems to be many peoples favorites and I will have to fall in that category on this one. It can downing to not have the support of the people you really would like it from, but when it comes to that one person in your life, they outweigh all need for any other acceptance that you could possibly need.

    I really appreciate you writing this, and I'm sorry I've only now just caught up to it. I'll have to check out some of your newer work sometime if you are still writing. Thanks again.
    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by majinkenshinamv | [ Reply to This ]
      and ofcourse 'ooem' should read 'poem'... sorry about that. I type too fast and sometimes end up posting something entirely diffrent... hehe
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting how you change the rhythm in the middle of the ooem and still manage to have it flow smoothly. That requires real skill... well done. I loved the imagery you've used to portray the deep feelings of love. Brilliantly written.
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      It sounds lyrical...would make a great song. Clearly, by the comments you've received, you've accomplished what you set out to do. Its all about reaching places and it appears you've arrived in fashion.
    | Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      what the hell man, do you know me? do you know my situation? well if you don't this just described me. how the hell did you do that. this poem was amazing! you wrote it so smoothly, so intricately, all the words that i have read seem to roll off my tongue
    as if it were some song i've sung
    handing out my emotions
    reminding me of my devotion
    my heart is in my dreams
    dreaming of her it seems
    this poem brought me beck to her
    it hurts how much that i love her.

    so thank you man, i appreciate it so much this is definitely going on my favorite list. good stuff bro...semper fi!
    | Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really well written, I like how you say things such as "and I always become speechless when I've got something to say."
    and "Our tears will mark our loneliness as they are lost within the rain" there is something about these to lines that I really liked. You have a very good writing style, and I always enjoy your work, good job.
    | Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by TheHUGE | [ Reply to This ]
      oooh the last stanza was sooo cool, actually the whole thing was really! you get better day by day! great transition between the stanzas, and yes sometimes i feel like that to, dont want to let go of my dreams...

    really wonderful! i admire your style soo much!

    Zu
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      oh wow jim. the first stanza is a good sucker punch to the heart. through out your rhythm is great. and the closing was well placed. the only line i was torn about was the first of the second stanza. perhaps "you and i, we may be apart" ? eh food for thought. but a great piece all together.
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by Butterfly Bullets | [ Reply to This ]
      Sometimes dreaming about situations and writing about them make the best pieces. Because you put the emotion you want to feel and need to feel down on paper. When you actually experience something it can sometimes be hard to express it through words. If you didn't tell me that this situation wasn't real I would definately think that this happened. It's a sad touching story of dreaming of the reality that has already past. Excellent job. I admire you for this.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      this is wonderfully written! i love the way you descride feelings of love. the second verse/stanza is my favorite. being in a situation like that-i can understand the meaning. this is one of my favorites by you! Keep it up***
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      james i first off have to say im in love with the title for some reason!it just is the best title!lol. this flows so nicely too! this is like the greastest write ive written for a while!ok im just wordless so ill go lol...
    bren
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      there are no words. love is so fragile, so very delicate. breaking as easily as a glass rose, yet love is just as timeless. its so hard to let go, so hard to let it end. though real love never does end. . the thoughts that you have put forth are amazing. you have cascaded them in a beautiful melody that it draws you to the very center of the undying love.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by butterfly wings | [ Reply to This ]
      It flows quite nicley. I like this one. Yes, it may be fantasy, but it is good to have a fantasy to look forward to. I loved the rythm and rhyme of this piece. Very good job.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Dark Angel | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem flows really well. the mood is set very nicely. words like the moon, and starlight set a very tranquil, 'dreamlike' tone. and the pacing of the lines is nice. it's very easy to read. i loved the way you ended it.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by soadman | [ Reply to This ]
      Whenever reality throws me away
    I'm picked up by my dreams.
    That line is just completely meaningful. I will say it again, you have a great talent for writing. You can say so much and make people feel with your words, that is powerful. You are a true poet!
    *Amanda*
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by fortressofwords | [ Reply to This ]
      i loved this poem. its just so easy for me to relate to it. not the exact same dream but the lonlyness and dream world stuff tataly applies to me. i really sympathise with your situation. you said in the description that it was clichéd. i didnt realy see that in the poem. yes dreams are a common topic but the way you aproched it here was different and interesting. the descriptions were beautiful and there is alot of emotion in it. but if i were to make a criticism it would be that you dont say anything about dreams in the first 3 big sanzas but then talk about dreams alot at the end. i thought this was a bit anoying. maybe you could change the sanza order around or reword the last few sanzas so it doesnt seem so repetative. i love the lines at the end about reality and dreams but the three of them so close together made it sound like you were repeating yourself. but even with that i still loved this poem. great work Mr ZERO.
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by nameless_nobody | [ Reply to This ]
      i must say, jim, u've outdone yourself again. your works never cease to amaze me, and yet, you're so young. that's the big suprise. don't lose the gift. milk it for everythin it's worth;)
    | Posted on 2004-11-26 00:00:00 | by hybridmagnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      awwww man this is me... This was most excellent.
    "Some people may say "move on"
    But really they can't see,
    That I'm reaching for reality
    While holding close my dreams... "
    I'm sure you've gotten this several times before me, but the wording and flow are ideal for the subject, and wow I can't even say how much this gets to me. This shows a lot of talent, major props to you.
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by rounin | [ Reply to This ]


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