Heaven by eener

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Heaven dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	eener
ASL Info:	21/f/wi
Elite Ratio:	5.55 - 351/369/53
Words:	75

Class/Type:	Poetry/Happy
Total Views:	413
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	577

Description:

Heaven

-------------------------------------------

I'll never believe
Ideas others conceive
Concerning heaven.

Not high above the sky,
Nor just for after you die,
It exists on Earth.

In every smile made
From a good deed paid,
It shines brightly.

As kisses exchange,
While relationships arrange,
It envelopes lovers.

Contained in anything
If happiness it may bring
To any believer.

Will heaven your soul attain?
Your attempts are in vain,
For you are already there.

Submitted on 2004-11-15 22:01:00 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I never imagined Earth to be Heaven before nor did I think it was hell. This was a really good peice. There's too much hate here for it to be heaven though. I always imagined heaven to be the most perfect place. The way you described Earth though seemed to be perfect as well. I think you got ur point across. Nicely done.
~steph
| Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by HurtDeepDown | [ Reply to This ]
  I love the message of it and the rhyming sequence. It feels like some of the rhymes are forced like Contained in anything/If happiness it may bring and especially Will heaven your soul attain?/Your attempts are in vain. I haven't read your other work (but this theme and the curiosity it brings will surely lead me to) so I don't know what you're capable of, but my guess is a little bit more. That's not to say that the piece is junk, far from it. In fact its full of sweet sentiments and it does make me feel hopeful, but I bet you can accomplish this and still make those rhymes a little more relaxed. But hey, if it said what you wanted to say and you like it, then let it be. I'm no judge, I just always like to see everyone push their artistic expressions to the full extent of their capabilities. It helps us all grow.
| Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
  Will heaven your soul attain?
Your attempts are in vain,
For you are already there.

Not a bad philosophy. But the same could be written about Hell, could it not?

Maybe we're in Hell right now waiting for Heaven. Maybe this is Heaven and it only gets worse.

My opinions are totally different anways. It's all just man-made words and stories; ideal places to comfort the lonely, etc. Nothing very original; nothing you haven't heard other people say before.

I'm not religious and I'm not anti-christ. I'm just me and someday everyone will find out the truth anyways. If only you could find out the truth and live to tell it, huh? :)

Nice little poem though. It flowed just fine and I don't think you left anything unsaid as far as I can tell. Of course you're the only person that would truely know that, so all I can say is: "I enjoyed it."

Take care,
Rob
| Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Me Rambling | [ Reply to This ]
  i like it, it's cute and maybe even profound...the way i see it you talking about romance, but mybe you talking about sex...although in my expserance sex is better when you in love...any way i thought it was cute and i liked it

card
| Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by playing card | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.