[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Heavendots

    Author: eener
    ASL Info:    21/f/wi
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 351/370/53
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 1028
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 577


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I'll never believe
    Ideas others conceive
    Concerning heaven.

    Not high above the sky,
    Nor just for after you die,
    It exists on Earth.

    In every smile made
    From a good deed paid,
    It shines brightly.

    As kisses exchange,
    While relationships arrange,
    It envelopes lovers.

    Contained in anything
    If happiness it may bring
    To any believer.

    Will heaven your soul attain?
    Your attempts are in vain,
    For you are already there.

    Submitted on 2004-11-15 22:01:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I never imagined Earth to be Heaven before nor did I think it was hell. This was a really good peice. There's too much hate here for it to be heaven though. I always imagined heaven to be the most perfect place. The way you described Earth though seemed to be perfect as well. I think you got ur point across. Nicely done.
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by HurtDeepDown | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the message of it and the rhyming sequence. It feels like some of the rhymes are forced like Contained in anything/If happiness it may bring and especially Will heaven your soul attain?/Your attempts are in vain. I haven't read your other work (but this theme and the curiosity it brings will surely lead me to) so I don't know what you're capable of, but my guess is a little bit more. That's not to say that the piece is junk, far from it. In fact its full of sweet sentiments and it does make me feel hopeful, but I bet you can accomplish this and still make those rhymes a little more relaxed. But hey, if it said what you wanted to say and you like it, then let it be. I'm no judge, I just always like to see everyone push their artistic expressions to the full extent of their capabilities. It helps us all grow.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Will heaven your soul attain?
    Your attempts are in vain,
    For you are already there.

    Not a bad philosophy. But the same could be written about Hell, could it not?

    Maybe we're in Hell right now waiting for Heaven. Maybe this is Heaven and it only gets worse.

    My opinions are totally different anways. It's all just man-made words and stories; ideal places to comfort the lonely, etc. Nothing very original; nothing you haven't heard other people say before.

    I'm not religious and I'm not anti-christ. I'm just me and someday everyone will find out the truth anyways. If only you could find out the truth and live to tell it, huh? :)

    Nice little poem though. It flowed just fine and I don't think you left anything unsaid as far as I can tell. Of course you're the only person that would truely know that, so all I can say is: "I enjoyed it."

    Take care,
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Me Rambling | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it, it's cute and maybe even profound...the way i see it you talking about romance, but mybe you talking about sex...although in my expserance sex is better when you in love...any way i thought it was cute and i liked it

    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by playing card | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cover written by saartha
    The World written by jjd
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Records I written by Raphael
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Love written by saartha
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    prison written by ShyOne
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]