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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heavendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eener
    ASL Info:    21/f/wi
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 351/370/53
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 1059
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 577



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeavendots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'll never believe
    Ideas others conceive
    Concerning heaven.

    Not high above the sky,
    Nor just for after you die,
    It exists on Earth.

    In every smile made
    From a good deed paid,
    It shines brightly.

    As kisses exchange,
    While relationships arrange,
    It envelopes lovers.

    Contained in anything
    If happiness it may bring
    To any believer.

    Will heaven your soul attain?
    Your attempts are in vain,
    For you are already there.




    Submitted on 2004-11-15 22:01:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I never imagined Earth to be Heaven before nor did I think it was hell. This was a really good peice. There's too much hate here for it to be heaven though. I always imagined heaven to be the most perfect place. The way you described Earth though seemed to be perfect as well. I think you got ur point across. Nicely done.
    ~steph
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by HurtDeepDown | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the message of it and the rhyming sequence. It feels like some of the rhymes are forced like Contained in anything/If happiness it may bring and especially Will heaven your soul attain?/Your attempts are in vain. I haven't read your other work (but this theme and the curiosity it brings will surely lead me to) so I don't know what you're capable of, but my guess is a little bit more. That's not to say that the piece is junk, far from it. In fact its full of sweet sentiments and it does make me feel hopeful, but I bet you can accomplish this and still make those rhymes a little more relaxed. But hey, if it said what you wanted to say and you like it, then let it be. I'm no judge, I just always like to see everyone push their artistic expressions to the full extent of their capabilities. It helps us all grow.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Will heaven your soul attain?
    Your attempts are in vain,
    For you are already there.

    Not a bad philosophy. But the same could be written about Hell, could it not?

    Maybe we're in Hell right now waiting for Heaven. Maybe this is Heaven and it only gets worse.

    My opinions are totally different anways. It's all just man-made words and stories; ideal places to comfort the lonely, etc. Nothing very original; nothing you haven't heard other people say before.

    I'm not religious and I'm not anti-christ. I'm just me and someday everyone will find out the truth anyways. If only you could find out the truth and live to tell it, huh? :)

    Nice little poem though. It flowed just fine and I don't think you left anything unsaid as far as I can tell. Of course you're the only person that would truely know that, so all I can say is: "I enjoyed it."

    Take care,
    Rob
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Me Rambling | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it, it's cute and maybe even profound...the way i see it you talking about romance, but mybe you talking about sex...although in my expserance sex is better when you in love...any way i thought it was cute and i liked it

    card
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by playing card | [ Reply to This ]


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