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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: give me glitter for my skydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bite my lip
    ASL Info:    20/f/nc
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 59/79/12
    Words: 178
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1840
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1182



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsgive me glitter for my skydots
    -------------------------------------------


    our fingers intertwined.
    staring at the fireworks over the free way,
    listening to the cars pass by.
    writing endings to stories left untold.

    my shirt smells like grass
    and i am covered in mud.
    leaves begin to fall,
    summer has given in.

    getting high from breathing,
    grasping at fireflies and holding only air.
    we will never be able to hold them,
    we always miss.

    it's nights like this that should last forever.
    tomorrow is only there for so long.
    eventually we will have to face the truth.
    eventually, these fireworks will end.

    hold me and tell me i will be alright,
    i know it's a lie but it's nice to hear.
    i can't run forever,
    there are no more circuses to run away to.

    i am your heroin.
    pump me into your veins and smile.
    are you smiling to hide the pain?
    or do i just feel that good?

    day has come,
    it's time to start tearing down the walls.
    and rebuild them with misery.










    Submitted on 2004-11-15 22:28:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      "our fingers intertwined.
    staring at the fireworks over the free way,
    listening to the cars pass by"

    the days of summer are priceless. its only when theyre over that we cherish them. kinda like my relationships HA! just kidding. but the first 3 lines describe one of those moments when your heart drops. i know you know what i'm talkin about. i missed you
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Butterfly Bullets | [ Reply to This ]
      lovely and I understand the pain hurts when love with all your heart
    it will come again I promise
    I love your poem
    keep the good work and keep writing
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      i loved this. it was so beautiful and your words created such a perfect visual picture. however, i disagree with one of the previous comments on this piece about punctuation.
    sometimes it's good to have, and sometimes it's necessary. but when it comes to my own work, i hardly EVER use punctuation and the reason is that it just doesn't feel right, you know? so the punctuation you have in the poem now is probably how it will stay because that's how you wrote it and that's how it feels right.
    anyway...wonderful work!
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by aliciaflower04 | [ Reply to This ]
      OHHHH MAN. This is my poem. And by my poem I mean it was written to compare to my life.
    It is absolutly lovely. I remember summer, and this captures it. The way that the days change, you dread it being over.
    Wow.
    I actually cant even TELL you how much I love this.


    All I have to say is punctuation.

    our fingers intertwined.
    Staring at the fireworks over the free way,
    listening to the cars pass by.
    Writing endings to stories left untold.

    My shirt smells like grass
    and I am covered in mud.
    Leaves begin to fall,
    summer has given in.

    Getting high from breathing,
    grasping at fireflies and holding only air.
    We will never be able to hold them,
    we always miss.

    It's nights like this that should last forever.
    Tomorrow is only there for so long.
    Eventually we will have to face the truth.
    Eventually, these fireworks will end.

    Hold me and tell me I will be alright,
    I know it's a lie but it's nice to hear.
    I can't run forever,
    there are no more circuses to run away to.

    I am your heroin.
    pump me into your veins and smile.
    Are you smiling to hide the pain?
    Or do I just feel that good?

    Day has come,
    it's time to start tearing down the walls.
    and rebuild them with misery.

    SEE!
    It helps MAKE the poem.
    Very lovely
    -Andrya
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      this started out as a kinda sweat awekward cople a nice moment but it got more and more intense, until it feels kinda like your screaming at us...or how ever this is written about...

    getting high from breathing,
    grasping at fireflies and holding only air.
    we will never be able to hold them,
    we always miss

    thought this was beautiful
    card
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by playing card | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is amazing.

    our fingers intertwined.
    staring at the fireworks over the free way,
    listening to the cars pass by.
    writing endings to stories left untold.

    I love that first stanza. I can picture two people holding hands, and having fun like you were mentioning. And I can see the harsh reality setting in that love is an emotion, and all emotions end.

    This was an amazing little piece and I'm sure I'll be coming back to read it a few times in the future.

    hold me and tell me i will be alright,
    i know it's a lie but it's nice to hear.
    i can't run forever,
    there are no more circuses to run away to.

    That stanza really hit home.

    Take care,
    Rob
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by Me Rambling | [ Reply to This ]
      I LOVE THIS. This is beautifully done and you masterfully create your passion for this person through your words and expression of a place in time.

    writing endings to stories left untold.

    I love this line, it seems so mundane at the first look, but upon a second glance you realize what a beautiful image it is.

    -emo.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    32795

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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